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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24984697">The Last Inch Of Us</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/HollowpointHeart/pseuds/HollowpointHeart'>HollowpointHeart</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Transformers: Prime</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abusive Relationships, Canon-Typical Violence, M/M, Minor Character Death, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Character Death, Rating May Change, Sticky Sexual Interfacing, idiots to lovers, robo gore</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 02:20:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>33,986</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24984697</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/HollowpointHeart/pseuds/HollowpointHeart</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Megatron returns from his three years in space, Soundwave expects things to return to normal. Instead, Starscream makes him an offer that could change everything. All Soundwave has to do is trust him.</p><p>Yeah, easier said than done.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Starscream/Soundwave, past Starscream/Thundercracker/Skywarp</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>288</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>419</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Dread</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>canon has been taken back behind the chemical shed and shot</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> Dread /dred/ </em>
</p><p> <em> (verb) 1. Anticipate with great apprehension or fear </em></p><p> <em> (noun) 1. Terror or apprehension as to something in the future </em></p><p> </p><p>It’s not that Soundwave would go so far as to say he <em> likes </em> Starscream, because there’s still a chance that he’s a traitor or will turn traitor, but working under him the last three years hasn’t been as awful as he’d first expected when Megatron had left. Soundwave would even call him a good leader when he’s allowed the freedom to execute his own plans. Under Starscream’s leadership, fights with the Autobots had dwindled to petty skirmishes, and Soundwave and Starscream both agreed they had about as much energon as they were going to get at one time on a planet as miserable as this.</p><p>Still, Soundwave should be happier Megatron’s back, but instead all he feels is a vague sense of unease in his tanks. He doesn’t like vague. There shouldn’t be a reason for him not to <em> know </em> what’s wrong. Because something is wrong, he knows it, but for all his data cables and security cameras, he doesn’t know what it is.</p><p>The door to the bridge swishes open, and in skulks Starscream, muttering to himself with wings arched high and quivering with indignation.</p><p>“-hasn’t done anything helpful in the last three years, and now he thinks this is the solution?” Starscream makes a disgusted noise. “We were better off when he was chasing after black magic.”</p><p>Starscream catches sight of Soundwave, and his wings droop just a bit. “Ah. Soundwave. I see you’ve ignored my orders to retire for the night.”</p><p>Soundwave plays a recording of Shockwave’s voice. “I still have work to do.”</p><p>Starscream has the ability, which Soundwave has a grudging respect for, to put his whole body into rolling his eyes. Hips jutting out to one side, wings sweeping low, his whole head moving with his optics. The whole effect is a bit dizzying. “You’re of no use to anyone if you don’t recharge.”</p><p>An old recording of Megatron in the gladiatorial pits, pulled from the depths of Soundwave’s memories. “I assure you, I can take care of myself.”</p><p>A less skilled mech that Soundwave would’ve missed Starscream’s reaction, the tiny twitch at the corner of his mouth and the not quite flutter of plating trying to flare out. Starscream’s lips curl in disgust. “Recharge. That’s an order.”</p><p>For a few seconds, they’re caught in a battle of wills, staring each other down across the bridge. Then Soundwave inclines his head a fraction and unplugs his data cables. He’s halfway out the door when Starscream speaks again.</p><p>“Do me a favor and don’t tell him about what you heard.” </p><p>It’s an absurd request, they both know it, and yet Soundwave still finds himself inclining his head. He doesn’t stick around long enough to see what Starscream’s expression is, but once the door closes between them, his pedes feel rooted to the spot. There was a time when he wouldn’t have hesitated to tell Megatron about Starscream’s words, because they were inevitably the precursor to some scheme. He <em> should </em> go find Megatron and tell him, or even send him a comm. Starscream is certainly expecting him to do it, so why bother asking?</p><p>Concern radiates up from Laserbeak, safely docked in his chest, and he pets her wing in as comforting a way as he can manage while reigning in his frustration. He sets off towards his habsuite. Clearly, Starscream’s up to something more than his usual schemes, and Soundwave needs more than his usual data before warning Megatron.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p> </p><p>Starscream comes back from the energon mine, plating chiming with barely restrained fury, and Soundwave doesn’t blame him. The loss of the mine is devastating, and the power of dark energon disturbs Soundwave more than he cares to admit. He hadn’t seen the demonstration personally, but Megatron’s recounting of it, in murderously gleeful tones, had been enough to put Soundwave off.</p><p>They’re sitting together in one of the rarely used meeting rooms on the <em> Nemesis </em>, sitting on opposite sides of the table and going through stacks of datapads. Or, they’re supposed to be going through data pads. In reality, Soundwave is listening with growing concern as Megatron details his plan to use the dark energon to summon an army. Just thinking about it makes Soundwave’s plating crawl.</p><p>Megatron pauses, clearly waiting for Soundwave to agree with him. Soundwave shakes his head and splices together a series of voices. “Starscream-- has-- his doubts.”</p><p>“Starscream is a coward and a fool,” Megatron sneers. “What has he accomplished since I left? Nothing.”</p><p>Soundwave pulls up a list of all of their accomplishments in the last three years onto his mask and scrolls. It’s not a long list by any means, but three years isn’t a long time. He highlights some of the more important ones. High morale. Low casualties. Energon.</p><p>He remembers the day Starscream found the biggest energon mine, early in Megatron’s absence, crowing with delight and all but dragging Soundwave off the bridge to see for himself. The flight there had been… nice. Even Starscream’s gloating had been tolerable in the midst of undeniably beautiful caverns and the promise of decades worth of good eating.</p><p>It was hard not to be resentful about the loss of the mine.</p><p>“None of those ‘accomplishments’ have helped end the war,” Megatron says.</p><p>While true, it still makes frustration burn in Soundwave’s veins. He runs two lists side by side on his mask. Casualties under Megatron and casualties under Starscream. Five names are highlighted on the infinite scroll of Megatron’s list. He doesn’t even need to scroll through Starscream’s.</p><p>It’s not a fair comparison by any stretch of the imagination, and Megatron glares at him. “I have apologized for their deaths,” he says coolly. “If you would help me end this war, their sacrifices would be vindicated.”</p><p>“That’s not-- the point.” Two recordings of Starscream.</p><p>“Then what is?”</p><p>Soundwave tilts his head in exasperation. “Starscream-- is-- right. Dark energon-- is not the way to-- end this war.”</p><p>Megatron glares at the playback of his own voice. “What would you have me do?”</p><p>Soundwave shrugs. Big, war ending strategies aren’t his area of expertise. His work is useful, but so far, not a make or break part of the war. He picks up a data pad at random and begins to read it. They work in tense quiet for a few minutes. </p><p>The reports do little to improve Soundwave’s mood. Turmoil’s team not only failed to ambush a squadron of Autobots, but were ambushed themselves. One of the few remaining Wreckers escaped an attack and destroyed a command ship in the process. Tarn still refuses to do anything useful.</p><p>On and on it goes. Petty skirmishes, a few small victories here and there, and several devastating losses. Soundwave wonders if Jazz has managed to crack his encryption again and makes a mental note to rework the whole system tomorrow. </p><p>“There was a time you would have supported me in this,”  Megatron says abruptly. “There was a time you would have relished the destruction of our enemies.”</p><p>“You’ll-- destroy us-- as well,” Soundwave says. “You’ll-- destroy-- yourself.”</p><p>“Do you really have so little faith in me?”</p><p>“This isn’t about-- faith!” Soundwave lets out an angry vent. “Decepticons-- cannot win-- if there aren’t any-- Decepticons-- left.”</p><p>“I have the blood of Unicron in my veins!” Megatron slams his datapad down, cracking the screen. “As long as I stand, the Decepticons will thrive.”</p><p>“This is not the way forward, my friend.” It’s a low blow, playing Prime’s voice. The recording is old, from the beginning of the war, back when some of them thought, hoped, that there was a way to repair things, to stop the inevitable.</p><p>Megatron’s eyes blow wide, then narrow dangerously. “How dare you use his voice with me.”</p><p>Soundwave lifts his chin defiantly and says nothing. </p><p>“I am your commanding officer,” Megatron says. “You can’t stop me.”</p><p>Soundwave bows his head and, gathering datapads into his subspace, stands up from the table. The furious look melts off Megatron’s face, leaving confusion in its wake.</p><p>“Where are you going?”</p><p>“‘I am your commanding officer,’” Soundwave plays back. “‘You can’t stop me.’”</p><p>“I know what I said,” Megatron snaps. “What are you doing?”</p><p>Back when things first started to go really wrong, when Soundwave attended a lot of meetings where friends began to look like strangers, his processor hadn’t been sure whether to classify Prime’s voice as Optimus or Orion. He’d never bothered sorting those conversation bits, even after all this time. It was too depressing.</p><p>“I won’t help you,” says Orion/Optimus Prime from Soundwave’s speakers. “This is wrong and you know it.”</p><p>The cracked datapad shatters under Megatron’s fist. Fury radiates from every inch of him, and Soundwave wonders if he’s finally gone too far. For several seconds, the only sound is Megatron taking deep, deliberate vents through gritted denta.</p><p>“I wish you wouldn’t do that,” Megatron says, much quieter than Soundwave was expecting. “You know how low it makes me.”</p><p>Soundwave dips his head in apology, quiet relief rushing through him. If he were anyone else, he’d be a dead mech right about now. Without waiting to see if he’s still welcome, he hurries from the room.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p> </p><p>Soundwave’s on the bridge when it happens.</p><p>Specifically, he’s plugged into his normal communications system and only devoting as much processor energy as it takes to watch a security feed to what Starscream’s doing. Most of his focus is on scrolling through line after line of code, prodding for weaknesses in the firewalls where someone could get in. Once upon a time, it had been an almost fun challenge, but now it’s a time consuming helmache of a task. Made all the more frustrating because he can’t <em> find </em> anything. There’s not a single exploitable weakness. </p><p>He’s vaguely aware of Starscream swanning around the bridge, strutting around and issuing orders, mostly because it’s impossible not to be aware of Starscream when in the same room as him.</p><p>Starscream’s body language isn’t what Soundwave would call subtle. Even by seeker standards, he’s expressive, every movement a performance for an audience no one else can see, and over the last three years, Soundwave has gotten used to a particular kind of movement from him. He stands up straight and tall, wings held up and out with an easy confidence. His movements are big and dramatic, unafraid of taking up space. Soundwave hates to admit it, but command suits him.</p><p>“Giving orders in my stead, eh Starscream?”</p><p>Soundwave will never admit it, but the sudden boom of Megatron’s voice makes him flinch. He doubts anyone notices compared to the way Starscream jumps though. </p><p>“Master!” Starscream yelps. “I was just carrying out your orders!”</p><p>Soundwave switches his visual feed to a different security camera and watches as all of Starscream’s easy confidence flees his fame. Faced with the groveling and simpering, the armor clamped down tight to protoform, Soundwave almost can’t believe it’s the same mech.</p><p>With speed unexpected of a frame so large, Megatron grabs the tip on Starscream’s wing hard enough to crumple delicate metal. Starscream cries out, high and pathetic, and Soundwave’s twinge of pity is echoed by Laserbeak. Megatron jerks Starscream’s wing up, forcing him to stagger forward and stand up straight. From this angle, Soundwave can’t see Starscream’s face through his raised arms, but he can imagine the wide red eyes filled with fear and insolence in equal measure.</p><p>Soundwave shifts his weight from pede to pede. Starscream hadn’t actually <em> done </em> anything wrong. Maybe it was a sign of how comfortable he’d gotten with Starscream in command, but he’d been going along with Starscream’s orders, falling into their usual pattern of Soundwave handling communication and coding while Starscream dealt with the bridge. He would’ve noticed if Starscream was going against Megatron’s interests.</p><p>Unbidden, a memory grabs Soundwave’s attention. A million years ago, through a security camera’s eye, a different argument between the two. Starscream urged Megatron to reconsider an invasion plan and got shrugged off until his temper got the better of him and he grabbed Megatron’s shoulder. Megatron backhanded Starscream across the room, and Soundwave switched feeds as Megatron stalked towards Starscream’s dazed form.</p><p>The invasion had been a disaster.</p><p>Soundwave focuses back on the scene playing out in front of him now. Starscream’s wing’s been freed, and energon oozes sluggishly out of a tear in the metal. Every inch of his body language reminds Soundwave of a kicked turbofox looking for the fastest opportunity to hide and lick its wounds.</p><p>“My apologies, Lord Megatron,” Starscream says. “It won’t happen again.”</p><p>“See that it does not,” Megatron says. He moves past Starscream to assume command of the bridge, and not for the first time, Soundwave notices the strange, synchronous way they tend to move together. They orbit each other like binary stars; for every step away Megatron takes, Starscream moves forward, and for every advance, he steps back. The distance is always the same, with Starscream just barely staying within arm’s reach of Megatron, but rarely holding still. </p><p>Then Starscream stalks off the bridge, muttering under his breath, and Soundwave gives himself a mental shake. He considers comming Knock Out ahead of Starscream to warn about his foul mood, but stops. It’s unlikely Starscream’s ever <em> not </em> in a foul mood in the medbay.</p><p>Soundwave lets out a long sigh, turns back to the endless scroll of code, and tells himself he’s glad things are back to normal.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p> </p><p>Soundwave keeps irregular recharging hours. Irregular enough that the rumor that he doesn’t require recharge and works on the bridge at all hours is so well accepted by the vehicons that it’s almost an insult to call it a rumor. Both Megatron and Starscream gave up on putting him on a proper schedule about a half a million years into the war, relying on a good faith principle that Soundwave would still manage to work more than the rest of the command staff put together. It’s what Soundwave prefers, but he treasures his recharge when he does get it. </p><p>He does <em> not </em> appreciate someone pinging his habsuite door for access when he knows it’s set to do not disturb.</p><p>For a moment, he considers ignoring whoever it is and hoping they go away, but, no, it sounds like they’re leaning against the controls. The frantic pinging merges into a single, high pitched drone.</p><p>Soundwave storms over to the door and glances at the identification of the glitch trying to get in. Seeing Starscream’s tag doesn’t surprise him, but it does make him resign himself to a problem he can’t solve by holding still and looking creepy. Shame.</p><p>Keeping a vow of silence has never been as difficult as when faced with a smug Starscream at an hour of the night that even Soundwave would call unreasonable. He pulls up a recording of Starscream’s own voice and throws it back at him.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>Starscream, if possible, looks more smug. “Aren’t you going to invite me in?”</p><p>Soundwave doesn’t dignify that with a response and makes a move to close the door in Starscream’s face. Before he can actually do so, Starscream surges up into his personal space and, conveniently, into the door frame. </p><p>“Don’t be rude,” Starscream hisses. With exaggerated slowness, Soundwave lowers his hand back to his side. He doesn’t move out of Starscream’s way to let him in, nor does he take a step back. Any movement back would be a sign of weakness, and Starscream wouldn’t hesitate to pounce on it. He considers pushing forward and trying to get Starscream to back off so he can close the door and recharge for once in his life, but he’s curious.</p><p>Starscream takes Soundwave’s lack of throwing him out wings over ass as an invitation and pushes his way inside. In a way, it sort of is. </p><p>As schooled as Starscream is keeping himself, Soundwave can tell he’s nervous. Agitated, even. His arms are crossed, talons drumming a fast but steady rhythm. Curiosity glimmers in his optics as he takes in Soundwave’s room. Very few mechs have seen where Soundwave spends his free time, and of those, precious few are still alive.</p><p>Starscream’s gaze lands on a small table, covered in long abandoned projects and games but meticulously clear of dust. His optics flicker to Soundwave and away, and if Soundwave didn’t know better, he’d say it was sympathy twisting his features.</p><p>Mercifully, Starscream doesn’t comment or stare. He unfolds his arms and claps his hands behind his back. He looks like he’s about to start issuing orders. If he does, Soundwave might actually kill him.</p><p>“Rumor has it we have you to thank for Megatron abandoning dark energon,” Starscream says.</p><p>“Rumor,” Soundwave plays back. Primus, he’s too tired for whatever game Starscream’s playing.</p><p>“Don’t play dumb,” Starscream says. “You’re the only one with enough sway to change the tyrant’s mind.”</p><p>None of this is new information, so Soundwave stays silent. If Starscream doesn’t get to the point within the next minute, he’s getting thrown out on his aft, consequences be damned. He displays a timer on his mask, and Starscream huffs.</p><p>“Oh alright,” he says. He unclasps his hands from behind his back and stalks into Soundwave’s personal space, so close their chests nearly touch and Starscream has to look ever so slightly up to meet his gaze. “My dear Soundwave, how would you like to help me end this war?”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Flashover</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Starscream doesn't know how to leave well enough alone.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This probably would've been done a week earlier, but I just got a cat so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯</p>
<p>Also a big big thank you to Chokopoppo for helping me with some tricky dialogue bits, I owe her my life.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>Flashover /ˈflaSHˌōvər/</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>(noun) 1. </span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>in the instance of a fire, the near-simultaneous ignition of most of the directly exposed combustible material in an enclosed area</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Perhaps Starscream had intended for the statement to be more dramatic, but all Soundwave feels is confusion. He’s careful not to let Starscream know that though. The anticipation coming off his frame is a palpable thing in the tiny space between them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Victory over the Autobots?” Soundwave finally asks with Starscream’s voice. The question seems to frustrate Starscream, and he takes a half step back. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No,” Starscream says. “No, I mean </span>
  <em>
    <span>peace</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Soundwave.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The idea isn’t, technically, treasonous, but after so long, it feels that way. Soundwave can’t stop himself from stiffening and scanning the room. For some reason, the minute action makes Starscream smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You see?” he says, triumph leaking into his voice. “How far have we fallen from our original goal for the idea of peace to be a cause for fear?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ah. There it is.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave shakes his head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You haven’t even heard me out!” Starscream protests. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave shakes his head again, harder this time. Almost without his permission, his data cables start to unfurl, hovering in the air like a threat. Starscream takes a full step back, eyes darting between them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’ve more than halved our numbers,” Starscream says quickly. “We </span>
  <em>
    <span>killed</span>
  </em>
  <span> our home. Don’t you want it to stop?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Of course he does. They all want the war to end, to rebuild, to go back to the way things were. The war was never supposed to be like this, it never should’ve gone this far, but Megatron had promised him, all of them, a better future, and he had to keep believing that. He couldn’t betray the Decepticons, not after everything he’d given up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We can end it,” Starscream says. His voice is softer, like he’s trying to be soothing, but the words almost trip out of his mouth in their eagerness. “No one else has to die, Soundwave. All I need is your help.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave’s head jerks back and forth. He’s tired. He wants to recharge. He wants to be alone. He needs to be alone.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He picks a recording of Megatron’s voice. “Get out.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Starscream doesn’t get out. He leans towards Soundwave slightly, head cocked to one side. “Soundwave--”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Get out!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Starscream almost manages to hide his flinch. He straightens up and reclasps his hands behind his back. All the excitement and nervous energy vanishes from his frame, and he’s back to being a cool, detached commander.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fine,” he says. He stalks towards the door, but pauses right before leaving and turns to look over his shoulder at Soundwave, eyes glowing like a smelter. “Think about it for me, would you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And then he’s gone, leaving Soundwave standing alone in the dark. Moving on autopilot, he gets back onto his berth, curling away from the door, and wraps his arms around Laserbeak. He focuses on the hum of her tiny systems and tries to ignore the feeling of wrong footedness he’s left with.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave does not think about it for Starscream. In fact, he does everything he can to </span>
  <em>
    <span>avoid</span>
  </em>
  <span> thinking about it. He goes through every report, request, and memo he can find in a little over twelve hours, flagging the important things for Megatron’s attention and passing the rest on to subordinates. He redoes all of the security coding on the Nemesis, then double checks the firewalls, even though he just did it a couple days ago. He sends Laserbeak on more scouting missions, letting her stretch her wings, and tries to let the views soothe him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>None of it works. He plays Starscream’s words back to himself whenever he’s got the processor power to spare, turning them over and over for any hint of second meaning. Starscream is a liar and a schemer, and he always has an angle. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He should tell Megatron. No matter what Soundwave says to Starscream, something will happen, certainly to the detriment of the Decepticons. Telling Megatron is the right thing to do. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave pulls up an unsent message on his HUD and stares at it. Addressed to Megatron’s comm code, all it contains is an audio file of what Starscream said that night. All he needs to do is send it. It should be easier than this.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Over his head, Laserbeak flies in an anxious circle, and he winces. All his worry has been making her agitated and restless, more so than she already gets, cooped up in the Nemesis all the time. He closes the message on his HUD and calls Laserbeak back across their bond. As she settles into her dock, he scratches absently at a spot on her wing joint that’s been bothering her. Some of the tension eases out of her frame, and he does his best to keep his own worry from bleeding over into their bond. She doesn’t need to deal with his worry on top of everything else.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Anything to report, Soundwave?” Megatron asks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave thinks of the audio file and shakes his head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Very well,” Megatron says. “You’re dismissed.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The “take a break” hangs in the air. Soundwave wants to protest. The last thing he needs right now is to be alone in his habsuite with the company of his own thoughts, but he just inclines his head a fraction and unplugs from the computer. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As he approaches the door, it glides open to reveal Starscream. His eyes blow wide at the sight of Soundwave, flickering back and forth between him and, he assumes, Megatron in the background before meeting Soundwave’s gaze with detached haughtiness.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>For all his speed, though, Soundwave still catches a split second of naked terror in his eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well?” Starscream demands. “Are you just going to stand there?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave feels numb as he takes a step to the side. He hasn’t seen Starscream since that night, but he’s been spending a lot of time looking at security footage the last couple days. Starscream’s behavior the last few days has been more erratic than usual. Pacing, flinching whenever a door opens, vanishing for a patrol flight when he should be off shift, bending over backwards for Megatron. Before now, Soundwave wouldn’t have said for sure that Starscream’s avoiding him, but now it seems obvious.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With another slight incline of his head to Megatron, Soundwave leaves the bridge, aware of Starscream’s eyes on him the whole time. He tries to keep up his usual facade of calm, but there’s a minute tremble to his fingers when he types in the code to his hab. Laserbeak detaches from his chest once they’re inside and beeps at him reproachfully from her perch. So much for keeping his worry out of their bond.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Starscream is scared of him. Soundwave paces around his hab. As far back as his memory goes, Starscream has always been one of the few who’s never been scared of him. Deeply resentful of him at times, often Starscream barely seemed to tolerate him, but things had improved the last three years. They had come to rely on each other.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And now the fear. Soundwave stops his pacing in front of his energon dispensary and pours a cube for himself and a smaller one for Laserbeak. He sets her cube next to her perch and sits on the berth. He bets that he could ask Starscream to do almost anything in exchange for not giving Megatron the audio file, and he would do it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With a soft click, Soundwave takes off his mask and takes a sip of energon. It tastes like ash in his mouth, and he sets it aside. The next time Starscream finds him, he’ll fix this.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave looks up from his datapad at the sound of the door and tenses. Starscream slips into the room, looking every inch like a mech up to something. They’re in the same disused meeting room that Soundwave had argued with Megatron in, and a half dozen or so datapads are spread across the table. Starscream’s gaze drifts across them before settling on Soundwave.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not working too hard, I hope,” he says. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave stares at him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t know why I bother,” Starscream mutters, and mercifully gets to business. “Have you thought about my proposition?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave shakes his head no. It’s a blatant lie, but Starscream doesn’t need to know that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Starscream fixes him with a piercing look. “Don’t give me that. You haven’t worked this hard since-” he breaks off and presses his lips together. “For a long time. I know what you look like when you’re trying not to think about something.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The mech is observant, Soundwave will give him that. He tips his head to one side, inviting Starscream to speak.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well,” Starscream asks, “are you going to help me or not?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave shakes his head and stands up. Starscream takes a step back, despite the table between them, and Soundwave wants to apologize, though he’s not sure what for. He just wants to get his things and leave before Starscream starts haranguing him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why not?” Starscream demands. “You know peace is the best option, I know you do.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave ignores him and gathers his datapads.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If you really wanted victory,” Starscream says, “you would’ve let Megatron use the dark energon, but you didn’t. You know there’s a better way.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave keeps his gaze firmly fixed on the table and his datapads and doesn’t respond.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Megatron would sooner lead us to extinction than let us have peace,” Starscream says, his voice low and fervent. “He’s become so consumed by his hatred for Optimus Prime that he’d let every Cybertronian die if it meant depriving Prime of a victory. Maybe I’ve gotten the wrong impression of you after all these years, but that doesn’t seem like something you’d want, does it?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave looks up at him sharply. Tension and a kind of manic eagerness are written into every line of Starscream’s body as he leans towards Soundwave, hands braced on the table. His expression reminds him of the beginning of the war, eyes wide with complete and utter conviction that he’s doing the right thing and hope that their situation will improve. Soundwave can’t remember the last time he felt like that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He clutches the datapads like they’ll give him answers and looks back at the table, shaking his head weakly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What does that mean?” Starscream says, voice laced with frustration. “Are you agreeing with me or refusing to help?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave subspaces his datapads and plays Megatron’s voice. “--defeat the Autobots-- sacrifices would be vindicated.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Starscream snorts. “Don’t give me his drivel, I know you don’t really believe it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave glares at him under the mask and doesn’t move. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well clearly you’re not as smart as I gave you credit for,” Starscream says, and Soundwave wishes that doesn’t sting as much as it does. “I would’ve thought someone as watchful as you could see how much Megatron’s changed these last millenia.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave looks pointedly at the corner where a security camera is tucked away and back at Starscream. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Starscream waves a dismissive hand. “You won’t betray me. If you were going to, you would’ve told Megatron about my proposal the first time. I appreciate your discretion by the way.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Anger flares bright and hot in Soundwave’s lines at his smug look. To think he was </span>
  <em>
    <span>worried</span>
  </em>
  <span> about him! Starscream probably hadn’t even been scared, just playing the coward to make him feel bad, and he’d fallen for it. Serves him right for believing anything that comes out of Starscream’s mouth.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Soundwave-- loyal to Decepticons.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Whatever Soundwave expected, it wasn’t Starscream laughing. Starscream laughs like Soundwave’s just told the funniest joke he’s ever heard, arms crossed over his stomach and wings shaking with the force of it. Soundwave tips his head to the side and stares at him. It looks like Starscream’s finally snapped, but he’s a little surprised that this was the thing that did it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“My dear Soundwave,” Starscream finally says, voice still shaking with mirth, “you’re not loyal to the Decepticons. You’re loyal to Megatron. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m</span>
  </em>
  <span> loyal to the decepticons.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s so absurd a statement that Soundwave wants to laugh, except he’s too angry. He pulls up a recording of Megatron’s low growl. “Traitor.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“To him, maybe,” Starscream says, bold as anything. “What has he done to earn my loyalty? Just because you’re too busy panting after his spike doesn’t mean he’s not destroying us from the inside out.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave knows Starscream’s trying to bait him into reacting, and he refuses to give him the satisfaction.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Come on,” Starscream hisses. “Don’t tell me you can’t see it. You think dark energon ever would’ve been an option at the beginning of the war? He never would’ve considered it, because he wanted what all of us did: freedom for all mechs and a prosperous Cybertron for everyone. Or have you forgotten?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave shakes his head. There’s a manic ferocity to Starscream, like he’s going to reach into Soundwave’s spark and pull the answers out if he has to. His talons have etched little furrows in the table.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Then do something!” Starscream’s eyes blaze with a tangle of emotions too chaotic to parse. “Stop sitting on your aft and- where are you going?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave’s storming over to the door. He doesn’t have to listen to this, and he </span>
  <em>
    <span>certainly </span>
  </em>
  <span>doesn’t have to just stand there like an idiot and let Starscream insult him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Megatron took your family from you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In a fluid movement borne from centuries in the gladiatorial pits, Soundwave whirls around and wraps a cable around Starscream’s throat. Starscream hits the opposite wall with a metallic crash, dangling just a few inches off the ground. Talons glance harmlessly off the metal, and his legs scrabble against the wall for purchase, eyes wide with panic. Soundwave’s vents rattle like he’s going to shake apart. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Starscream clings to the cable, trying to give himself enough leverage to pull in a proper vent. Under the cable, Soundwave can feel every shallow vent, every fragile pulse of energon. He wants to tear Starscream limb from limb. His fingers curl into fists to hide the way they shake. He wants to make Starscream suffer.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh please,” Starscream gasps out. “Go ahead. You’re not even the worst I’ve dealt with today.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave tenses. His gaze darts to Starscream’s wing tip, where the metal is newer and shinier than the rest of the wing. He thinks of the way Starscream moved when Megatron was around, a simpering mass of metal shaking in fear, the urgency in his voice when he spoke to Soundwave. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With exaggerated slowness, Soundwave lowers Starscream to the ground and releases him. Starscream stumbles forward a little, rubbing his neck, and glares at Soundwave. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t suppose you’ll keep this a secret too?” he asks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Starscream’s feelings about Megatron have always been a rather poorly guarded secret, but with the full breadth just confessed to him, Soundwave should definitely tell Megatron. Whatever Starscream’s planning, it’s on a different scale than anything else he’s done.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave inclines his head and leaves before Starscream can ask him to do anything else traitorous. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Before the end of his shift, Soundwave always checks the security footage for discrepancies. There never are any, and no one ever double checks his work. No one else could do a better job than him, so the redundancy was abandoned millions of years ago.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He pulls up the footage from the meeting room and fast forwards to Starscream entering the room. Watching from this perspective, it almost looks like one of their talks from Megatron’s absence, a petty argument over troop movements or energon rations. He flinches when he attacks Starscream. The distance of time and a screen just makes it feel more violent. He watches until he leaves, waiting to see what Starscream does.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>For a few seconds, the Starscream on the screen stares at the door, still rubbing his throat. Then he looks directly at the security camera and smiles, slow and dangerous and full of confidence. Soundwave feels his energon run hot and resists the urge to look around like a new spark buying his first porn rag. Spark pounding, he watches Starscream saunter out of the room, hips swaying, and deletes the footage. No one looks at him as he leaves the bridge.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Clear the bridge.” Megatron’s voice rings across the bridge, and Soundwave looks up. There’s no obvious reason for the bridge to be cleared, but he dutifully unplugs from the main computer. Before he can take more than a step, Megatron adds, “Except you, Soundwave.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave freezes, thoughts flying to the missing footage. Had Megatron found out somehow? He’s never double checked Soundwave’s work before, but he </span>
  <em>
    <span>has</span>
  </em>
  <span> been acting paranoid of late.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With the bridge clear, Megatron turns his full attention to Soundwave. “Care to explain your behavior these past few days?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>For the first time in a very long time, it strikes Soundwave how much bigger than him Megatron is. He cocks his head in a silent question.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’ve been avoiding me,” Megatron says.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave winces internally. He hasn’t been doing it on purpose, but he’s needed to think without anyone whispering, or shouting, as the case so often was, in his ear. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Answer me, Soundwave,” Megatron says, looming closer. “Why have you been avoiding me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Starscream’s words play in Soundwave’s head, </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘you’re not even the worst I’ve dealt with today’</span>
  </em>
  <span> and that contemptuous look over the cable crushing his neck, and before he can think better of it, he plays back a single word.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Peace.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave’s smart enough not to use Starscream’s voice, instead using a recording of Megatron from a failed ceasefire talk. The Megatron in front of him now balks at the sound of his own voice.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know that’s impossible,” Megatron snaps.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why?” Soundwave plays.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The Autobots will never offer us agreeable terms,” Megatron says. “Really, Soundwave, this kind of naivety is unbecoming of you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave’s getting really, really tired of people saying things like that to him. “Never surrender,” he says with Megatron’s voice. “Peace.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We will have </span>
  <em>
    <span>peace</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Megatron spits the word like poison, “when I have crushed Prime under my heel!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Negotiate-- peace.” Soundwave opens his arms in a pleading gesture. “Casualties-- too high.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t presume to tell me what to do!” Megatron jabs his thumb into his chest. “As long as I stand, I will not risk subjecting us to Autobot rule!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Decepticons-- want-- peace.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In retrospect, the blow should’ve been easy to dodge, so obviously telegraphed as it was. But this was Megatron, who had protected Soundwave in the pits and trusted him through four million years of war.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The back of Megatron’s hand catches Soundwave across the jaw, lifting him off his feet and sending him staggering into the computer. A crack appears on Soundwave’s mask, partially obscuring part of his vision. The ache in his side from hitting the consol dulls in comparison to the pain lancing down his neck and up his face from his jaw. When he touches his face, his fingers come back stained with energon.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Soundwave.” Megatron’s voice breaks the stunned silence, small as Soundwave’s ever heard him. “I didn’t mean-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As he speaks, he takes a step towards Soundwave, and Soundwave jerks back. Megatron stops, hand still slightly outstretched. Soundwave pulls himself fully upright and closes the warnings on his HUD. His spark pounds in his chest in tandem with the throbbing in his jaw, and he watches Megatron as if through one of his screens.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Soundwave,” Megatron tries again, and Soundwave, who has built his entire reputation on being calm and unflappable, runs.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A few corridors away from the bridge, Soundwave forces himself to stop running, cycling his vents in time with his deliberately calm steps. He doesn’t pay attention to where he walks, letting his feet carry him in a labyrinthine pattern through the corridors of the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Nemesis</span>
  </em>
  <span>. The few Vehicons he encounters are smart enough not to stare, but he can feel their gazes on him as he walks away. Soon the whole ship will know that Soundwave left a private meeting with Megatron bleeding.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave doesn’t realize he’s in the crew quarters until he’s almost directly in front of Starscream’s door. It’s further away from the rest of the command quarters, closer to the labs where Starscream used to retreat after meetings. For a moment, Soundwave rocks back and forth on his pedes. He hadn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>meant </span>
  </em>
  <span>to go this way, and part of him wants to turn right back around and keep wandering until his head stops hurting.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With one finger, Soundwave pokes the glorified doorbell on the control panel. The door springs open as if Starscream’s been waiting by the door, which, given Starscream’s propensity for the dramatic, is entirely possible. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Took you long enough,” Starscream says, and Soundwave can almost see the speech he undoubtedly had planned fly out of his head when his gaze lands on Soundwave’s injury. His lips press together in a flat line. Soundwave holds very still.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well,” Starscream says after a pause, “you’d better come in.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Hubris</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Soundwave discovers that, despite his wishes, his choices don't exist in a vacuum.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So clearly I've added a lot of tags, including one for abusive relationships, because even though I didn't originally conceptualize it this way, Soundwave and Megatron's relationship IS abusive even though they aren't romantically or sexually involved with each other, and I need to tag it as such. There's nothing graphic or even very explicit in this chapter, but I don't want to run the risk of triggering or squicking someone. I'm sorry if that's already happened, and I'm going to do better going forward.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> Hubris /ˈhyü-brəs/ </em>
</p><p> <em> (noun) 1. Overbearing pride or presumption; arrogance </em></p><p> </p><p>Starscream, Soundwave discovers, has an impressive collection of medical supplies. He begins rifling through it after tossing a cleaning cloth in Soundwave’s direction, muttering to himself under his breath. Soundwave stares at him.</p><p>When Starscream turns around, arms laden with supplies, he frowns. “You’re supposed to clean yourself up.”</p><p>Soundwave stares down at the cloth in his hands. He’s managed to twist it so tight around his fingers that the fabric threatens to tear, and his joints ache as he frees them. Starscream sits next to him, depositing his supplies off to one side. Soundwave feels like he should be more surprised to see a basic soldering kit. Starscream follows his gaze and waves a hand dismissively. </p><p>“You didn’t think I visited Knock Out for every bump and scrape, did you?” he asks with no real venom. “I doubt I’ll need it anyway. Now let me see your damage report.”</p><p>Soundwave pulls up his diagnostic report and starts cleaning his jaw just so he can pretend Starscream’s not staring at him. The energon already feels like it’s mostly coagulated, and the edges of the cut are starting to itch with self repair. Starscream makes a clicking noise in the back of his throat.</p><p>“You’ll probably be a bit out of it until tomorrow,” he says, shrugging. “Maybe less, I’m not a medic. Let me see the cut.”</p><p>Soundwave hesitates. He’s not particularly eager to expose his throat to those talons, but after a moment he lifts his chin. Starscream’s fingers are gentler than he expected as they tip his jaw, trying to see the wound in the best light. A talon tip presses experimentally at the edge, and Soundwave hisses in pain.</p><p>“Oh quit whining,” Starscream mutters. “You’re fine. Slap some nanite gel on it and you should be good as new by morning.”</p><p>Soundwave holds still as Starscream does exactly that, moving with more care than his words implied. He’s not sure where to look, with Starscream so close to him, and ends up staring very hard at what he’s pretty sure is a blast mark on the ceiling. His plating tingles with awareness of Starscream’s presence. He’s not sure if he’s relieved or disappointed when Starscream pulls away to survey his handiwork.</p><p>“That should do,” he says, and his eyes flicker to the crack in the mask. “Anything under there you want me to take a look at?”</p><p>Soundwave shakes his head, leaning back slightly even though Starscream hadn’t made any move toward him.</p><p>“Fine, fine,” Starscream says, hands raised in surrender. When it’s clear Soundwave’s not going to bolt, he crosses his arms. If Soundwave didn’t know any better, he’d say Starscream looks awkward. <em> Soundwave </em>certainly feels awkward, but he’s never seen Starscream act that way.</p><p>“So,” Starscream says after a full minute wherein Soundwave’s been wishing harder and harder for a hole to come swallow him up, “where’s your little beast?”</p><p>Soundwave cocks his head, and Starscream makes an impatient gesture at his chest. “Laserbeak,” he says impatiently, “where is she?”</p><p>Soundwave pulls up a map on his screen of the desert surrounding Jasper and a small blip showing Laserbeak returning from patrol. Starscream nods.</p><p>“Tell her to avoid Megatron when she returns,” he says. “I don’t think he’ll hurt her, but I don’t trust him with her either.”</p><p>At the mention of Megatron’s name, Soundwave flinches, instinctively reaching up to touch the edge of his mask. All his stubbornness and pride and blind loyalty, and here he is sitting in Starscream’s hab with energon drying on his shoulder. His jaw aches with how hard he’s clenching it. He makes a choice.</p><p>“You were right.” </p><p>Speaking hurts. Static distorts the words, and his vocalizer pops painfully on the last word. When he’d first taken his vow of silence, he’d always imagined ending it after the Decepticons won the war, or, Primus forbid, if Megatron died, but no. Four million years of silent devotion fizzled out in a quiet conversation in a hab suite. </p><p>Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Starscream’s eyes blow wide, mouth forming a small, surprised shape. The expression vanishes almost as soon as it had appeared, leaving Starscream frowning and staring at anything other than Soundwave. </p><p>“I wish I wasn’t,” he says. At Soundwave’s questioning look, he shrugs uncomfortably. “I loved him once too. He was charismatic, and his approval is addicting.”</p><p>Soundwave doesn’t know what to say to that, so he stares at his hands and the energon stained cloth still clutched in them. He feels Laserbeak reenter the <em> Nemesis </em> and relays Starscream’s instructions to her, and she pings back an affirmative, even though he can feel her curiosity across their bond. When the door chimes an entry request, Starscream’s plating fluffs like a cornered turbofox.</p><p>“Laserbeak,” Soundwave says. Static still saturates his voice, but it hurts less this time. Starscream nods and lets her in. She zips into Soundwave’s arms almost faster than he can brace for impact, nuzzling and chittering and almost overwhelming their bond with worry. Soundwave pets her wings and croons subvocally.</p><p>A very long time ago, he had tried to explain to Megatron how communication over the bond with his symbionts works, how they communicate with emotions and impressions of memories dancing across the bond like electricity across copper wires. Megatron hadn’t understood. Now, as Soundwave glances up from Laserbeak and catches the strange, unreadable expression on Starscream’s face, he wonders if trine bonds work in similar ways.</p><p>Laserbeak settles into Soundwave’s chest, broadcasting her worry so loudly that Soundwave has to suppress a flinch. He tries to reassure her, but it’s impossible for him to mask his own anxiety. He just needs her to trust him.</p><p>“Can we trust her?” Despite those same fears bouncing around Soundwave’s head, he glares at Starscream and curls his arms protectively around Laserbeak. Starscream holds his ground.</p><p>“This is serious,” he says. “I need to know if you’re going to help me, and I need to know she can be trusted if you do.”</p><p>Laserbeak’s indignation flares across the bond. She may not care much for Starscream, but she’d never put Soundwave in danger. Soundwave pets her wing as soothingly as he can.</p><p>“Laserbeak is trustworthy,” he says. “I’ll help.”</p><p>Starscream grins triumphantly.</p><p>“One condition,” Soundwave adds, and Starscream’s grin slides off his face. “No killing Megatron.”</p><p>Starscream frowns, but he doesn’t look too upset. “I suppose that’s doable,” he says. “It’s not ideal but-”</p><p>“No maiming,” Soundwave adds, and now Starscream does glare at him.</p><p>“Do you think this is a game?” he demands. “Megatron needs to be completely removed from the equation for this to have a chance of success.”</p><p>“No mai-” Soundwave’s vocalizer pops again, and he rubs his throat. “No maiming. Take it or leave it.”</p><p>“Megatron’s sycophants aren’t just going to let us prance around and sue for peace with the Autobots as long as there’s a chance he could lead us again,” Starscream says. “Keeping Megatron in a prison cell makes our position too unstable. It certainly won’t be enough to stop the likes of Tarn from freeing him and killing us.”</p><p>Logically, Soundwave knows Starscream’s right, but everything in him balks at the idea. He can’t have Megatron’s blood on his hands. It would break him.</p><p>“Take it or leave it,” he says.</p><p>Starscream stares at him for a long time before making an infuriated noise. “Fine,” he snaps. “You win. No killing, no maiming.”</p><p>Soundwave doesn’t feel like he’s won anything. He stares at the floor between their feet. “Sorry,” he says, though he’s not quite sure what he’s apologizing for.</p><p>“You better be,” Starscream says without much venom. “You’re the single most infuriating mech I’ve ever met.”</p><p>“You’re one to talk,” Soundwave says before he can think better of it. He freezes, bracing for Starscream to work himself into an angry snit, but instead Starscream laughs. It’s short and sharp and not particularly full of humor, but it’s a laugh. Starscream leans against a shelf, arms crossed, and smiles. </p><p>“My dear Soundwave,” he says. “I have missed you.”</p><p>Soundwave’s pretty sure he’s being made fun of and changes the subject. “Tell me your plan.”</p><p>Starscream stops smiling. He doesn’t say anything.</p><p>“Do you have a plan?” Soundwave asks, incredulous.</p><p>“Of course I have a plan!” Starscream snaps. “I just have to modify some of it.”</p><p>Soundwave cocks his head. “How much of your plan was killing Megatron?”</p><p>“Enough of it.” Starscream glowers. “It doesn’t matter now. Going forward, the only important thing is that no matter what happens, I have your public support. With you at my side, only Megatron’s most fanatic followers will oppose a transfer of power, and I’ve always known they would be a problem.”</p><p>Guilt threatens to overwhelm Soundwave. He’d known what he was getting himself into, but hearing it said out loud still hurts. </p><p>“I’ll need to come up with a new plan,” Starscream says, either not noticing or not caring about Soundwave’s internal crisis. “I’ll comm you in a couple days with a place and time so we can discuss things further.”</p><p>Soundwave nods.</p><p>“Swear to me that you’ll support me,” Starscream says, “no matter how this goes.”</p><p>The guilt is choking. Soundwave nods once.</p><p>“Say it,” Starscream says. Even though he hasn’t moved, he gives the impression of curving inescapably towards Soundwave.</p><p>“I’ll support you,” Soundwave says, “no matter what.”</p><p>Starscream's victorious smile curves like a knife, and Soundwave can't help feeling he's going to find it buried in his back.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Guilt follows Soundwave around like a living thing. Every passing glance in his direction feels like an accusation, and his spark starts hammering at the smallest noise. If this is how Starscream feels all the time, it’s no wonder he’s so irritable. Soundwave feels like he’s going to jump out of his plating.</p><p>Only a lifetime of discipline stops him from doing exactly that when Megatron comes up behind him after their shift together. They haven’t spoken since their argument, mostly because Soundwave’s been doing everything within his considerable power to avoid him for the last two days. </p><p>Casual as he can manage, Soundwave turns to face Megatron. The corridor around them is abandoned, quiet except for the perpetual hum of a ship in motion. Megatron himself is also quiet, even contrite. He keeps clasping his hands behind his back, then returning them to his sides like he can’t quite figure out what to do with them. Shame, so foreign and out of place on his face, makes him look millions of years younger.</p><p>Part of Soundwave wants to reach out and reassure him, to give in to the immutable urge to care for and protect what’s his. A cold, furious part wants to turn back around and keep walking. He does neither of these things and waits for Megatron to say something.</p><p>“I am… sorry,” Megatron says. “You mean more to me than any other mech, and I’ll never forgive myself for hurting you. I shouldn’t have taken my frustration out on you. No matter how stressful things get, I have to remember that you’re my friend, and I hope you don’t let this come between us.”</p><p>Soundwave’s spark <em> aches </em>. The weight of his betrayal threatens to crush him, and in that moment all he wants is to throw himself on Megatron’s mercy and come clean, to get back what they had. Megatron would forgive him, it wasn’t his fault. Starscream had caught him in a moment of weakness-</p><p>He thinks of Starscream’s first aid kit, and the fresh metal on his wing. His gentle fingers on Soundwave’s injury and his awkward small talk. His implicit trust.</p><p>The confession dies in Soundwave’s throat.</p><p>“What must I do to prove myself to you?” Megatron asks. “Name your price and I’ll pay it.”</p><p>For a foolhardy moment, Soundwave wonders if Megatron would consider peace if he asked for it. Then he gives himself a mental shake. That’s a great way to start another fight. </p><p>That cold, angry part of him wants to tell Megatron to take his apology and shove it, or at the very least reject it and put some emotional distance between himself and Megatron. It’s the smart thing to do, probably, and Soundwave doubts that it would be difficult. The way things have been going lately, it would probably happen naturally without much real effort on his part.</p><p>And still, Soundwave hesitates. If he rejected Megatron’s apology and started spending more time with Starscream, Megatron would almost certainly catch them. He may be quick to anger, but he’s never been stupid.</p><p>Soundwave shakes his head.</p><p>Megatron actually looks distressed. “Soundwave--”</p><p>“Apology-- accepted.” Soundwave remembers to use audio files instead of speaking at the last second. “Payment-- unnecessary.”</p><p>The look of relief that sweeps across Megatron’s face makes Soundwave’s spark shrivel up in shame. “Nevertheless,” he says, “refuel with me. I miss your company.”</p><p>As Soundwave allows himself to be led down the hall, he forces down his guilt. No matter how he feels about it, Starscream’s right. Things need to change.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>As it turns out, Starscream doesn’t have to send Soundwave any mysterious coordinates. Megatron’s sent them on a mission together, or perhaps more accurately, Megatron sent Starscream on a mission, and Starscream had kicked up an enormous fuss until Soundwave was going with him. Either way, they’re far from prying eyes and security cameras, standing at the edge of a canyon in the blazing sun. Normally, Soundwave would enjoy the warmth on his plating after so long inside, but Starscream’s pacing makes it difficult.</p><p>“Plan?” Soundwave prompts, and Starscream shoots him an annoyed look.</p><p>“I told you,” he says, “I have to come up with a new one.”</p><p>“About Skyquake,” Soundwave amends.</p><p>“Oh.” Starscream looks thoughtful for a moment. “No, I don’t know what to do about him either.”</p><p>Soundwave hums. Having ruled out both dark energon and peace as options, Megatron had decided to grow his forces on Earth to try and wipe out Prime and the other few Autobots. Since they knew Skyquake was entombed in stasis relatively close by, Starscream had been tasked with finding and awakening him. Given Skyquake’s unwavering loyalty to Megatron and Starscream’s lack thereof, Soundwave hadn’t been surprised when Starscream pitched a fit and demanded Megatron ‘wake the oaf up himself.’ After a small shouting match, Soundwave had been assigned babysitting duty.</p><p>He watches Starscream pace and mutter to himself. His plating gleams in the sun, throwing dazzling patterns onto the ground around them. Eventually, Starscream stops and makes a frustrated noise.</p><p>“We’ll have to retrieve him,” Starscream says. “I don’t see a way around it.”</p><p>“Why?” Soundwave asks. </p><p>“Because you have built yourself a reputation for being annoyingly efficient,” Starscream says, glaring at Soundwave. “And because if we lie and say we couldn’t find him, we’ll only be buying ourselves a couple days at most. We’ll either be sent back out with results expected, or Megatron himself will come out here and see how easy it was to find him, and we’ll be scrap.”</p><p>Starscream seems to consider something. “Well, I’ll be scrap. <em> You’ll </em> be fine.”</p><p>Soundwave ignores the way the thought makes his tanks churn and, gesturing towards the canyon, says, “Lead the way.”</p><p>The phrase makes Starscream’s wings flick up in delight, and with a wicked grin, he dives into the canyon. Half a second later, he shoots back up in alt mode, spinning and glinting in the light. Soundwave smiles under the mask and launches after him, and just like on the flight to the canyon, it’s easy to settle into the updraft coming off Starscream’s right wing and coast there. If a jet could look pleased, Starscream was managing it.</p><p>Getting to where Skyquake’s last known signal was detecting is less of a flight and more an enthusiastic glide, and when they land, the frown on Starscream’s face is one Soundwave recognizes as irritation with Megatron. Soundwave glances at the pile of boulders against the canyon wall receiving the brunt of Starscream’s wrath.</p><p>“He’s buried in there?”</p><p>“If your scanners are correct,” Starscream says, “then yes. And your scanners are always correct, so yes.”</p><p>Soundwave squashes down a surge of embarrassment and pride and looks at Starscream’s face. His frown has deepend and drifted more into worry as he studies the rock.</p><p>“Can we flip him?” Soundwave asks.</p><p>“Hm? Oh, probably not,” Starscream says, “but that’s not what I’m worried about. I warned Megatron that bringing Skyquake back online would alert the Autobots to our location, but of course he didn’t listen. We’ll have to work quickly once he’s awake.”</p><p>Excavating Skyquake takes longer than either of them are comfortable with, and by the time they can get enough of a grip on the coffin-like pod to haul it out of the rock, Soundwave’s tanks are cramping with hunger. Starscream doesn’t look much better, mouth set in a grim line and wings twitching with nerves. For a moment, neither of them does anything.</p><p>“Do you have the cube?” Starscream asks.</p><p>Soundwave nods and pulls an energon cube out of his subspace. He almost doesn’t notice Starscream’s hesitation before taking it and shoving it unceremoniously into the empty space in the pod. The whole structure begins humming.</p><p>“I was really hoping that wouldn’t work,” Starscream says, and then the energon’s glow intensifies, extending into a line down the front of the pod with a light so bright, both of them have to shield their eyes and look away.</p><p>When the glow dies away, a mech, green and battle scarred, steps out and surveys them. He’s at least as massive as Megatron and doesn’t seem all that happy to see Starscream in front of him. Soundwave resists the urge to take a step back.</p><p>“Skyquake,” Starscream says, managing to put an impressive amount of venom into the syllables. “Welcome back.”</p><p>“I’m on a mission from Megatron,” Skyquake says. “Why are you here?”</p><p>“Your loyalty is, as ever, commendable,” Starscream says. “Megatron sent me to bring you back to the <em> Nemesis </em> for new orders.”</p><p>Skyquake makes a small, vaguely disbelieving noise and turns to Soundwave. “Is this true?”</p><p>Soundwave glances at Starscream out of the corner of his eye to see his reaction to the slight against his authority. He seems annoyed, though not particularly upset. Soundwave nods.</p><p>“Very well,” Skyquake says. “I look forward to being reunited with Lord Megatron.”</p><p>Starscream rolls his eyes and makes a vague ‘follow me’ gesture, and Soundwave wonders if Starscream ever looked so disparaging of him. Probably.</p><p>“Starscream!”</p><p>The acoustics of the canyons bounce Optimus Prime’s voice strangely, so it takes Soundwave a moment to spot him, flanked on either side by Arcee and Bumblebee. With his battlemask up, he’s almost unrecognizable as Orion Pax. He’s too far away for Soundwave to see his eyes, but it doesn’t matter. He already knows what he’d find.</p><p>Cold, hard blue without a trace of recognition in them.</p><p>“Prime,” Starscream purrs. “Come to say hello to the newest member of our team?”</p><p>“Skyquake,” Prime says. “It has been a while.”</p><p>Skyquake rounds on him with murderous intent. “Prime,” he says. “I haven’t seen you since the battle of Technar. Megatron gave me orders to annihilate you.”</p><p>“Skyquake,” Starscream says, “I have orders to bring you back to the <em> Nemesis </em>, do not engage.”</p><p>“My orders still stand,” Skyquake says, and pulls something off his back that expands into a machine gun as large as Soundwave’s torso. Soundwave and Starscream both take steps back.</p><p>“Skyquake!” Starscream’s voice has gone shrill. “Do not engage!”</p><p>Skyquake ignores him and opens fire. Arcee and Bumblebee dive off to either side while Prime is pushed back by the force of the machine gun fire. Soundwave looks at Starscream for orders.</p><p><em> ::We have to help,:: </em> Starscream says over a private comm link. <em> ::Megatron will have our heads if we don’t.:: </em></p><p>He points a finger at Bumblebee’s hiding place and curls it to join the rest of his fist. Only a warning cry from Prime stops Starscream’s missile from taking the scout out. From behind the other outcropping of rock, blaster fire narrowly misses Soundwave.</p><p>The next few minutes dissolve into chaos. Soundwave’s vaguely aware of Starscream and Skyquake attacking Optimus and Bumblebee, but Arcee attacks him with a ferocity that takes up most of his concentration. It’s a dance between them, where neither can quite manage to land a blow. Even with the extra reach of his cables, she remains annoyingly out of reach.</p><p>A sound like an incoming jet distracts Soundwave enough for Arcee to graze his jaw with a wild kick. He manages to hold in a snarl and forces her back into a defensive position.</p><p><em> ::Incoming,:: </em> he comms Starscream, not taking his eyes off Arcee. </p><p>Starscream swears violently. <em> ::One of their pet humans.:: </em></p><p>Nothing dangerous then. Off the comms, Soundwave hears Starscream yelling something at Skyquake, but he ignores it. If it’s important, Starscream will use the comms.</p><p><em> ::Skyquake has a jet alt,:: </em> Starscream says.</p><p>Soundwave catches Arcee in the gut with a cable and sends her skidding in the dirt. <em> ::Good for him.:: </em></p><p>More chaos. He’s starting to lose ground, already tired from excavating Skyquake, and Arcee is relentless. A spray of machine gun fire nearly takes out both of them, forcing them to leap apart. If that was Skyquake, Soundwave’s going to kill him when they get out of this.</p><p>WIth a hoarse shout, Arcee throws herself back at Soundwave. She must be flagging too, judging by how much she’s telegraphing her attack. He catches her by the face with a cable when something else catches his attention. </p><p>Across the canyon floor, Starscream and Optimus circle each other, neither making a serious move to attack. Soundwave narrows his eyes. Starscream’s mouth is moving too much for him to be trading taunts with Prime, but between the distance and the sounds of battle he can’t make anything out.</p><p>A flash out of the corner of his eye is the only warning Soundwave gets, raising his arm to block Arcee’s shot. The blast glances off the plating instead of blowing his head off, and he turns slowly to look at her. Rage and hatred burn in her eyes.</p><p>“Teach you to turn your back on me,” she snarls, and he has to admire her bravery. With a powerful flick of the cable, Soundwave throws Arcee across the battlefield. She lands on her feet, skidding through the dust, tenses like she’s going to throw herself at him again. Overhead, jet engines scream, but that’s not what makes Soundwave look up.</p><p>“Bumblebee!” Prime shouts.</p><p>Black smoke billows from Skyquake’s body, and as Soundwave watches, Bumblebee leaps off his back onto the human’s jet. The two veer off, narrowly missing the side of the cliff, and Soundwave waits for Skyquake to do the same. He waits all the way to the moment Skyquake hits the ground with a strut rattling explosion.</p><p>Soundwave throws up his arms to protect himself from debris, and when the sound of grinding and clattering metal dies away, he looks up to see a twisted pile of green metal at the end of a long, charred furrow in the ground. He can make out a clawed hand and head with dark eyes in the midst of the wreckage. No one in the canyon moves or speaks.</p><p><em> ::Starscream?:: </em> Soundwave spots his form through the smoke coming out of Skyquake’s remains. <em> ::We need to retreat.:: </em></p><p>Starscream doesn’t move. Soundwave can see his face now. His eyes are wide and fixed on Skyquake, face contorted in agony. The human’s jet flies low, and Bumblebee lands next to Arcee. Soundwave tenses.</p><p>
  <em> ::Starscream!:: </em>
</p><p>Through the smoke, Soundwave watches Starscream shake himself. His eyes land on Soundwave, and even from here, Soundwave can see how lost he looks.</p><p>“Fall back!” Starscream cries. He sounds like he’s being strangled, but Soundwave doesn’t let himself ponder. In an instant, the two of them are in the air.</p><p>Starscream flies like he’s being chased, taking evasive maneuvers and hairpin turns so sharp that Soundwave finds himself struggling to keep up. After the third time he ends up careening a quarter mile in the wrong direction because Starscream made an unannounced right angle turn, he’s had enough. With a burst of speed, he gets above Starscream and forces him to land.</p><p>In root mode, Soundwave gets a closer look at what he’d caught a glimpse of in the canyon. Starscream looks more rattled than a skirmish like that should have left him. His plating keeps alternately fluffing up and slicking down tight to his protoform, wings twitching like he has a broken gear somewhere.</p><p>“What happened?” Soundwave demands.</p><p>Starscream flinches. “I wasn’t- I didn’t mean.” He pauses and takes a deep, steadying breath. “It reminded me of Skywarp.”</p><p>All the anger drains out of Soundwave at once, leaving an echo of his own grief in its place. That had been a bad day for both of them.</p><p>“It doesn’t matter,” Starscream says. “I’m fine.”</p><p>Soundwave doubts that, but he doesn’t press. Instead he asks, “Why were you talking with Optimus?”</p><p>“What?” Starscream blinks at him. “Oh, the usual prattle. He was doing his ‘I know you’re better than this, Starscream’ routine. He’s been on that since I shacked up with you and Megatron, you know that.”</p><p>It makes sense, Soundwave supposes. When the factions first officially split, Starscream had been approached by Prime before Megatron had a chance to talk to him. In the end it hadn’t mattered, since Starscream joined the Decepticons within a matter of weeks, but Starscream had worked with Prime in that time, and Prime had never seemed to be able to let it go.</p><p>“You were talking to him,” Soundwave says.</p><p>“I know mid fight banter is an unfamiliar concept to you,” Starscream says, rolling his eyes, “but it does happen. Megatron never shuts up during a fight.”</p><p>Soundwave wants to press him more, but Starscream’s wings have stopped twitching. He sighs and nods. Starscream had asked for his trust, and Soundwave had given it to him. He couldn’t falter the first time Starscream did something he didn’t like. </p><p>Together, they fly back to the <em> Nemesis </em>, leaving the black smoke as nothing more than a greasy smudge on the horizon behind them.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Haunt</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Soundwave's past won't leave him alone.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Heavy past character death in this chapter</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>Haunt /ˈhȯnt/</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>(verb) 1. To habitually seek the company of</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>(verb) 2. To have a disquieting or harmful effect on; to recur constantly and spontaneously</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>(verb) 3. To visit or inhabit as a ghost</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>In theory, it should’ve been a simple mission. Rumble and Frenzy had been more than capable of what amounted to a glorified smash and grab. It was one of the last great battles of the war. The sky over Iacon had been filled with battleships and bright flares of gunfire, with the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Nemesis</span>
  </em>
  <span> floating high above to survey the carnage. Starscream had been there, as had Megatron, glowing together in the light of the burning city. That light hadn’t been able to reach Soundwave, plugged into his computer, processor swamped with the communications of an army. He hadn’t been worried, hadn’t spared a thought for Rumble and Frenzy. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The only warning he got was the feeling of terror, high and cold as a scream, before the pain of two bonds breaking dropped him. It was like his spark was shearing itself in half, he was </span>
  <em>
    <span>burning</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he wanted to scream but every system had frozen, screeching to a halt in the face of that horrible nothingness. He was aware, distantly, that someone else on the bridge </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> screaming, a high, wordless wail that echoed Soundwave’s spark.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He had thought he was dying, of course he was dying, no one could go through pain like this and live-</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But Soundwave </span>
  <em>
    <span>had</span>
  </em>
  <span> lived.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Joints creaking, he levers himself off his berth. Two nights in a row with no recharge. It might be worth bearing a trip to Knock Out just to be able to close his eyes without seeing the glow of distant explosions.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave’s gaze lands on the table in the corner, covered in its half finished projects and tools meant for hands much smaller than his, and his throat tightens. He should get rid of that, send the tools off to some ship where they’ll be useful. The weapons are all a million years out of date anyway, they can be used for parts. It’ll clear up some space, give him a place to work that isn’t old meeting rooms.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He turns and hurries out of the room. There’s a tremor in his fingers, and he can’t tell if it’s from exhaustion, hunger, or something else entirely. Possibly a combination of all three.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave wants to </span>
  <em>
    <span>talk</span>
  </em>
  <span> to someone. He doesn’t even have to use his voice, he can use recordings, he just wants someone to </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Because he hasn’t told anyone about any of it. Aside from that first instant when he’d collapsed on the bridge and Megatron had rushed to him, no one had brought it up, and he had forced down the enormity of his grief. He’d internalized everything and thrown himself into work until he didn’t have the processor space left for anything else but fueling and recharging.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave makes it all the way to Megatron’s door before he freezes. This is a terrible idea. He knows how this will all play out. Megatron will be concerned for him right up until Soundwave brings up Rumble and Frenzy, then he’ll go on the defensive. He’ll say it wasn’t his fault, sometimes war means sacrifice, why does Soundwave have to keep bringing this up, hasn’t he apologized enough? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Resentment makes Soundwave’s tanks churn, but he still can’t quite manage to force himself to move from the spot. He </span>
  <em>
    <span>wants</span>
  </em>
  <span> to be able to seek comfort here. This is </span>
  <em>
    <span>Megatron</span>
  </em>
  <span>, who held him when Ravage disappeared, who he started a revolution with, who protected him in the pits when he was injured.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He can’t believe all that’s just gone.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave rocks back on his heel. He should leave before someone sees him. Getting his feet moving has never been so difficult, but he manages. If pressed, he’d say he doesn’t have a destination in mind, but he finds himself pulling up today’s schedule on his HUD, and seeing that Starscream won’t be on duty for another hour makes his spark feel just a little lighter.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When he pings Starscream’s door for access, Starscream grabs him by the arm and whisks him in faster than Soundwave’s recharge deprived processor can react.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What are you doing?” Starscream snaps. “I told you I would comm you! If people talk, we’re finished. You look like hell, by the way.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave blinks, unsure of what to do with the barrage of information. Starscream stares at him expectantly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well,” Starscream prompts. “Spit it out. I don’t have all day.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Rumble and Frenzy,” Soundwave says, and winces. He sounds as rough as he had the day he’d broken his vow. “I can’t stop thinking about-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He breaks off. He feels like he’s being strangled. Starscream’s wings droop until they’re almost brushing the floor, and this time when he reaches for Soundwave’s arm, his touch is infinitely more gentle.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sit down,” he says, coaxing Soundwave to his desk chair. Soundwave sits and watches Starscream go into the same cabinet he retrieved his first aid supplies from and pull out two emergency rations of energon.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not hungry,” Soundwave says.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t have to drink all of it,” Starscream says, leaning against the desk, “but you’ll feel better with something in you. What are your fuel levels at anyway?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave checks. He unfurls a cable and uses it to fuel, ignoring the self satisfied look on Starscream’s face. In seconds, the cube is empty. Starscream sets the second cube in front of him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So,” Starscream says, a trace of awkwardness creeping into his voice, “did you want to talk, or..?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave stares at the desk, at his fingers tracing absent patterns on the energon cube. “I can’t recharge. Every time I look at their things, it’s like that day all over again.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Starscream doesn’t say anything, but in all honesty, Soundwave is relieved. He can’t imagine anything Starscream can say that would make him feel better.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I can’t stop feeling their fear,” Soundwave says. “They were scared, and they needed me, and I couldn’t do anything, and I-” He breaks off into sharp, rattling vents. “I wasn’t even worried about them.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Soundwave,” Starscream says, voice softer and gentler than Soundwave would’ve believed possible. “There’s nothing you could’ve done.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“They were scared,” Soundwave whispers. There’s a rustling of shifting plating, then Soundwave feels a hesitant touch on the back of his helm. When he doesn’t shake it off, Starscream starts petting his helm, following the ridges and seams in the plating. It feels nice, and Soundwave focuses on that and the sound of his own vents. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I wasn’t worried either,” Starscream says, breaking the silence. His hand doesn’t stop moving on Soundwave’s helm. “Skywarp asked for a good luck kiss, but it was… It should’ve been an easy job. I told him he could have it when he got back.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave looks up. Starscream’s mouth is twisted into something that might’ve been a humorless smile but slides further into a grimace the longer Soundwave watches. His hand pauses, cradling Soundwave’s helm, eyes unfocused and staring at a point above and behind Soundwave. The grimace deepens further, a flurry of emotions warring across his face until only a deep, exhausted misery remains. Soundwave aches to reach out and touch him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sometimes I think maybe if I’d just kissed him,” Starscream says, and the bitterness and self loathing in his voice is so strong it nearly makes Soundwave flinch, “maybe things would’ve gone different.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He glances down at Soundwave and removes his hand, resting on the desk between them. “It’s stupid,” he says, “believing in luck. Thinking something that small would make a difference. All the worry and all the good luck in the universe wouldn’t have brought them back from that mission. And we have to live with that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave covers Starscream’s hand with his own and squeezes. Starscream clasps his hand and squeezes back, and they cling to each other like lifelines. The delicate joints of Soundwave’s fingers ache under the pressure of Starscream’s grip, so tight he can feel the minute tremors running through his hand.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After a small eternity, Starscream pulls away. “I have to go.” His voice sounds ragged. “My shift starts soon.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave nods. He forces himself to stand up, and Primus, he’s tired. A strong gust of wind could knock him over, he’s sure of it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You, um,” Starscream starts, then breaks off. He looks awkward, eyes darting around to anything that isn’t Soundwave. “If you’re having trouble sleeping in your hab, you can sleep here. You look like you’d keel over before making it back anyway.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave cocks his head. It’s not the kind of offer he ever would’ve expected from Starscream, and Starscream seems aware of this. His wings twitch in a way Soundwave’s pretty sure means he’s embarrassed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do whatever you want,” Starscream says. “I don’t care. Just be gone before I get back.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Starscream sweeps out the door before Soundwave can really wrap his head around what just happened. He glances at Starscream’s berth. Really, he should go back to his own hab and try to recharge in his own berth. By now, he’s certainly tired enough that he could probably wrangle a couple hours.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But he’s so tired, and there’s no ghosts lurking in the corners of this room. At least, not </span>
  <em>
    <span>his</span>
  </em>
  <span> ghosts.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Before he can change his mind, Soundwave all but collapses into Starscream’s berth. He curls up, back to the door, arms wrapping around Laserbeak, and breathes in the smell of cheap polish and fresh air.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This was supposed to be just one scene in a much larger chapter, but then it clocked in at just under 1.6 k on its own, so between that and not wanting to detract from the emotional impact, I decided to make this its own chapter.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Absolution</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Emotional entanglements with co-conspirators aren't a good idea, but Soundwave never claimed to have good ideas.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>Absolution /ab-sə-ˈlü-shən/</span>
  </em>
</p><p><em><span>(noun) 1. the act of forgiving someone for having done something wrong or sinful;</span></em> <em><span>the act of absolving someone or the state of being absolved</span></em></p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soundwave wakes up confused, exhausted, and ravenously hungry. His chronometer informs him he’s been in recharge for a little over five hours, and his HUD is pinging him that Laserbeak was supposed to leave for a patrol ten minutes ago. He groans and dismisses the notification, burrowing his face deeper into berth covers that smell like air at altitude.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Right. Starscream’s berth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The notification springs back across his HUD, this time accompanied by Laserbeak’s own impatience. There’s an undercurrent of worry, of course. She </span>
  <em>
    <span>always</span>
  </em>
  <span> seems worried about him these days, which he supposes is fair. He lifts one arm so she can disengage and listens to her fly in a couple circles around him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As she flies towards the door, Soundwave lifts his head. “Don’t let anyone see you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Laserbeak beeps at him in a way he chooses to believe is an affirmative and zips out the door with an impressive lack of caution. He sends a pulse of vague reproach across their bond and gets a pulse of exasperation in return. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soundwave rolls his optics and pushes himself into a sitting position. Some of the cobwebs are starting to come loose in his processor, and he wants to die of embarrassment. He can’t believe he broke down like that, and in front of </span>
  <em>
    <span>Starscream</span>
  </em>
  <span> of all mechs. Still, there’s no point in worrying about it now. Solvable problems first. He needs energon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The second cube Starscream had given him earlier is still sitting on the desk, and he snakes a cable over to pick it up. He checks the bridge schedule, just to make sure Starscream won’t be back soon, and takes his mask off to drink. As he does, he pulls up a ship wide schedule and scrolls through it. Starscream had been right when he’d said they’d be finished if rumors about them spending time together started spreading. Soundwave </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> doesn’t want to be seen leaving Starscream’s hab and start a rumor that they’re interfacing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not that he’s strictly opposed to interfacing with Starscream, an unhelpful part of Soundwave’s processor reminds him. An image jumps to the front of his mind of Starscream leaning against a console on the bridge, angled in a way so Soundwave hadn’t been able to help staring at his slender waist and the gentle curves of his thighs. They were just so grabbable, with lots of open seams and gaps in the plating that Soundwave could explore, if only Starscream would let him. He’d look so pretty all splayed out on a berth, eagerness written into all the beautiful lines of his body.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soundwave launches himself to his feet so quickly he nearly spills his cube. He takes a long, steadying drink and forces himself to think about things like shift changes and shipment invoices. The last thing he needs right now is to get himself emotionally entangled with his co-conspirator, no matter how unfairly beautiful said conspirator is.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Setting aside the now empty cube, Soundwave reattaches his mask. The longer he stays here, the greater the chance of him running into someone. He casts a quick look around the room, small and more organized that he expected. Part of him feels like he should do something before leaving, leave a note on a datapad or something, but he doubts Starscream would appreciate it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soundwave slips out the door without being seen, and starts making his way unseen through the corridors. Just as he’s starting to think he might make it all the way to the bridge without incident, he rounds a corner and nearly slams into someone. Only millenia of instinct keep him from actually making contact, and he’s half dropped into a defensive position when he recognizes Megatron. That recognition doesn’t make him want to drop his defenses, but he forces himself to stand up straight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Soundwave,” Megatron says, “I was looking for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soundwave tilts his head in a polite question.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I saw you outside my room on the security feed,” Megatron says, “but you didn’t come in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ah, fuck. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soundwave clamps down hard on the burst of panic in his chest. He hid a revolution from tyrants, he can hide this from Megatron.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In a flash of inspiration, he pulls up a file full of intercepted Autobot communications and displays it on his mask.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Soundwave-- frustrated by-- Autobots,” Soundwave says. “Sought assistance-- but Megatron-- busy enough-- without my problems.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The ploy works, and the satisfaction of seeing Megatron’s guilt is almost enough to stop Soundwave’s spark from burning with shame.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know you can always come to me with your problems, my friend,” Megatron says. “You can tell me anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.” Soundwave uses Megatron’s voice and wishes it was true.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Megatron extends his hand. “Allow me to escort you to the bridge.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soundwave pushes aside his nervousness and allows himself to be led the rest of the way to the bridge.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Soundwave’s swamped up to his optics in heavily encrypted Autobot communications when he receives a comm from Starscream telling him to meet him in the cargo bay in five minutes. He’s certainly had better timing, but Soundwave really doesn’t feel like dealing with this particular project right now. Since he’s started helping Starscream, he’s found himself less and less willing to work on things directly pertaining to the war. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He disengages from the bridge’s computer and does his best to make his way to the door without being noticed. Megatron’s back is to him, and the vehicons generally don’t pay attention to him unless he’s relaying orders.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where are you going?” Megatron’s voice isn’t angry. In fact, it’s carefully polite and nonthreatening. Somehow, that sets Soundwave more on edge as he turns to face him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soundwave pulls up a recording of Knock Out’s voice. “Break.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Megatron looks like he wants to say something, but no doubt he’s aware as Soundwave is of the vehicons’ attention on them. Causing a scene now would only spread gossip around the ship. Again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Very well,” Megatron says with a faint nod.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soundwave tries to keep his pace as quick yet casual as he can, but Megatron’s voice stops him just before he leaves.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Join me for refuel after my shift?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now Soundwave’s the one with all optics on him as he glances back at Megatron. There’s nothing in his expression that should make Soundwave nervous, but something about the glint in his eye makes him feel pinned to the spot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soundwave nods and leaves before Megatron can ask him more questions. Just in case Megatron’s watching the security feeds, Soundwave stops by the mess and picks up a cube of energon and makes a point to face a security camera as he scrolls through the encrypted messages. He refuels with a cable and gives it an irritated flick. It’s not unheard of for him to go on a flight to clear his head when dealing with a particularly difficult problem, and it’s perfectly reasonable to use the cargo bay doors as easy access, especially when the mess is deeper in the bowels of the ship than the bridge. He just has to convince anyone who may be watching that that’s what’s happening.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shoving off the wall, Soundwave deposits the half drunk cube on a table and heads back for the door. A vehicon coming in all but dives out of his way, so he must be doing a half decent job acting upset. He doesn’t encounter anyone else on the way to the cargo bay, but he doesn’t drop the act until the door closes behind him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How long do you have?” Starscream says in lieu of a greeting as he stops his pacing to face Soundwave. “And what took you so long?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Unclear,” Soundwave says, “and Megatron. I think he suspects I’m hiding something from him, either that or he’s trying to make up for-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soundwave falters. The phrase ‘hitting me’ sticks in his throat. It just doesn’t feel </span>
  <em>
    <span>real</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Even the memory feels like he’s watching it happen to someone else. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For our fight,” Soundwave finishes. Starscream gives him a flat look.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He hit you,” Starscream says. “He should be grateful you’re spending any time with him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soundwave shifts uncomfortably. “Let’s just get down to business.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Starscream nods. “Follow me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soundwave doesn’t go down into the cargo bay often, and it always catches him off guard how big it is. Starscream leads him through a labyrinth of over full shelves, mostly broken or outdated weapons, but Soundwave’s tanks give a strange lurch when he recognizes personal belongings of long dead crew members, covered in dust and unclaimed by loved ones. After emerging from a tunnel of empty storage grade energon cubes so narrow Soundwave had begun to worry about being crushed, Soundwave realizes he knows where they are. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s the bay door where damaged mining equipment gets returned to the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Nemesis</span>
  </em>
  <span> for repairs. The space is as overcrowded as everywhere else in the cargo bay, what with the ship being critically short staffed. The job of doing repairs often fell by the wayside, passed back and forth between command staff, though during Megatron’s absence, Starscream had taken to tinkering down there in his off time. Soundwave had kept him company, sometimes, passing him tools and enjoying the quiet company.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here?” Soundwave asks, and his voice echoes strangely in the space. He resists the urge to compare it to a tomb.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No one else comes down here,” Starscream says with a shrug. “There’s no cameras. Megatron can’t fit through those shelves without making noise. It seemed as good a place as any.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Off ship would be safer,” Soundwave says. He walks the perimeter of the space, trailing his fingers over dusty shelf edges.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“People will talk if we’re always out together,” Starscream says. “Much easier to pretend we’re just in different parts of the ship. Careful of those.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soundwave pauses in front of a shelf of broken hand drills, the kind used for boring holes for explosives to clear rock. Broken drill bits as long as his forearm stick off the shelf at funny angles, unable to rest properly because of other debris piled behind them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wasn’t going to touch them,” Soundwave says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure,” Starscream says, and sits down at the workbench. He picks up a screwdriver and starts fiddling with it, twirling it between elegant fingers. “Now,” he says, and his voice is all business, “I’ve been thinking about our Megatron problem and your moratorium on violence.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I stand by that,” Soundwave interrupts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Starscream waves the screwdriver dismissively. “I know, I know, and I have- well it’s not a plan, but it’s an </span>
  <em>
    <span>idea</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pauses, clearly waiting for Soundwave to say or do something. There’s nowhere for Soundwave to sit, aside from the bench next to Starscream, so he leans against one of the giant drills across the work table from him. “Go on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not allowed to arrange an accident,” Starscream says, “but I could certainly </span>
  <em>
    <span>fake</span>
  </em>
  <span> one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soundwave tilts his head, considering. “Elaborate.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Starscream grins. “If we can put Megatron in medical stasis and keep him there, maybe give him some superficial injuries, nothing serious-” he adds as Soundwave makes a sharp noise- “it would be fairly straight forward to fabricate some kind of accident.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soundwave mulls this over. It’s not a bad idea by any stretch of the imagination, obviously it needs some work before it’ll qualify as a plan, but there’s still something that makes Soundwave uneasy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We won’t be able to blame this on a battle,” he says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Suspicion will fall on us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Even with my help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.” Starscream doesn’t seem alarmed or nervous at this prospect. If anything, he seems at peace with it, wings held in a low, relaxed swoop. Soundwave’s spark clenches.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We could get Knock Out’s help,” Soundwave offers.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We could,” Starscream says. “He only joined up with us because he thinks we’re the winning side. We’d also get Breakdown, those two are inseparable.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The troops like Breakdown,” Soundwave says. “Having him on our side could be good in the long run.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good point,” Starscream says. “All things to think about.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re not making decisions today?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Starscream says. He puts down the screwdriver in favor of a circuit board and small soldering kit. “Today we’re just bouncing ideas. We can’t do anything rashly here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soundwave makes a vaguely positive noise. “What other concerns do you have?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“More than we have time to discuss today,” Starscream says with a snort, “but immediately? Tarn. Even if you had footage of Optimus Prime himself snuffing out Megatron’s spark, he would swoop in to oppose me taking over the Decepticons.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Starscream pauses to fix something on the circuit board, optics narrowed in concentration. Soundwave watches him. He likes watching Starscream work. He so rarely sees Starscream so relaxed and sure of his decisions.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve made myself a very annoying enemy, haven’t I?” Starscream asks, and though the question doesn’t really seem directed at Soundwave, he answers anyway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe, but I have an idea.” Pride lights up his spark at the surprised look Starscream gives him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Do</span>
  </em>
  <span> tell,” Starscream says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soundwave shrugs. “He’s a bureaucrat. He fills out all his paperwork in excruciating detail. I’ll tie him up in so much red tape, he won’t be able to take a piss without signing something. An ambush or assassination would be the best way to attack while he’s stuck, there’s no point in telegraphing an attack while he doesn’t suspect anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Starscream stares at him, mouth just barely open. After a pause just long enough for Soundwave to start feeling self conscious, he clears his throat. “Been thinking about that a while, have you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soundwave shrugs again. “I don’t like him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll leave him to you then,” Starscream says, then frowns. “Do you still have time, or is Megatron expecting you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s probably expecting me,” Soundwave says. “I made him think I was going on a flight to clear my head.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re already pushing it, then,” Starscream says. “Are you going to fly around and come back in up top?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soundwave shakes his head. “I usually come in the way I went out. It’d look weird if I suddenly changed that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Very well. Can you find your way back?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll manage.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before disappearing into the shelves, Soundwave glances back to get one last look at Starscream curled over the circuit board. He looks confident and relaxed in his concentration. Soundwave commits the image to memory.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>It takes another week for the two of them to meet. Soundwave spends most of that time avoiding Megatron and placating him when he can’t, nodding his assent when appropriate and playing back benign recordings of unimportant Decepticons. More and more, the pretense of silence weighs him down. By the time he gets to their spot in the cargo bay, he feels like he’s going to burst with all the words in him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Someone’s chipper,” Starscream says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The words ‘I missed you’ are on the tip of his glossa before he bites down on them. It’s not like they haven’t seen each other over the week. They’re on shift together more often than not, but Soundwave can’t speak to him. He can’t even pretend to </span>
  <em>
    <span>like</span>
  </em>
  <span> Starscream, the risk of a rumor starting is too great.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You wanted to talk about the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Nemesis</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” Soundwave says instead of any of those things. He sits on the bench, expecting Starscream to sit next to him or perhaps continue his pacing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” Starscream says, and sits down on the table near Soundwave. He has to twist in order to be able to look at Soundwave, and the angle makes his waist look impossibly small under wings held in a blatant </span>
  <em>
    <span>look at me look at me</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Soundwave looks at the table. “The first hours after Megatron’s accident will be the most crucial.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you have any ideas for him?” Soundwave asks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Some, mostly involving medical grade sedatives,” Starscream says, “but we’re not discussing that today, unless we have time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soundwave doesn’t like moving on with plans for the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Nemesis</span>
  </em>
  <span> without knowing how they’re dealing with Megatron. It feels too much like rushing in half cocked, but it is his fault that Starscream’s had to rework that part of his plan.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did you have in mind?” he asks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll have to make a speech first, obviously,” Starscream says, and out of the corner of his eye, Soundwave sees an elegant hand moving in sweeping gestures. “You’ll be at my side, showing the troops a united front. Like I said before, your support is the most important thing to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soundwave glances at him, spark giving a weird hot cold pulse in his chest, but Starscream seems oblivious, working himself up into full scheming mode.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll spend a few days establishing a new status quo,” Starscream continues. “Recall everyone to the ship to avoid any new skirmishes with the Autobots. Provided that we haven’t already gotten Knock Out and Breakdown on our side by that point, I don’t expect they’ll be too much trouble without the threat of Megatron overhead.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He trails off for a moment, staring at something no one else can see. “I wish Thundercracker was here,” he says quietly. “He was better with people than me. Everyone liked him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soundwave isn’t sure what to say. Personally, he’d liked Thundercracker, he’d been quieter and more serious than his trinemates, capable of soothing the worst of Starscream’s temper and curbing the worst of Skywarp’s impulses. The troops had liked him, and he’d been nice to Soundwave.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d grieved Thundercracker’s death.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” he says, and flinches at how insufficient the words feel. In the endless slog of horrific deaths he’d seen, Thundercracker’s death stands out to Soundwave because of how little he knows about it. He knows Megatron sent the Elite Trine out on a scouting mission to some now dead planet, and Thundercracker hadn’t come back alive, but Starscream’s actual report was so minimal that Soundwave still has no idea what happened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Starscream says, “me too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soundwave looks at where Starscream’s hand is resting close to his and aches to reach out and grab it. To return the comfort he’d been given. Starscream gives himself a little shake, a flick of wings like he’s getting rid of something physical. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anyway, I’m fine,” he says, “It was a long time ago. Come on, ask me questions, I need to work out specifics.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soundwave doubts Starscream’s really okay, but he knows they don’t have a whole lot of time before Starscream’s next shift. He eyes the tension in his frame, the easy, flashy casualness replaced by forced relaxation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Soundwave says. “You said you wanted to give a speech after Megatron is… indisposed. What are you going to say? Because what you say there determines how the rest of this is going to go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Starscream grins, all savage triumph, and launches into an explanation. They fall into a comfortable pattern of Starscream bringing up points and Soundwave picking them apart from all angles. Only when he can defend his points from any line of questioning does Soundwave ease off, ready to start up again on the next point. Starscream only threatens to throw a wrench at him once, and it makes Soundwave grin under his mask. He displays a smiley face on the screen, and Starscream growls at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re insufferable,” he snaps.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You like it,” Soundwave says, unable to keep the mirth out of his voice. Starscream huffs something in reply, but Soundwave doesn’t catch it. A ping from Laserbeak has him cocking his head, listening through their bond. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it?” Starscream asks. “Is it Megatron?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Soundwave says. “Laserbeak’s back from patrol. Do you think anyone would notice if she came down here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I doubt it,” Starscream says. “Most mechs don’t pay much attention to her, and she’s fast.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It hurts, the reminder that to most aboard the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Nemesis</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Laserbeak is little more than a drone. There are times it has its advantages, like now, and there have been times those assumptions have kept her safe in the field and helped her get important information from the Autobots, but that doesn’t mean Soundwave has to like it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Laserbeak arrives, the two of them have fallen back into their back and forth. She does her usual series of circles above Soundwave’s head, but unlike usual, she zips over to Starscream and perches on his shoulder. Mischief bubbles across her end of the bond.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Get off!” Starscream yelps, flapping his arm in an attempt to dislodge her. Laserbeak does not get off. Soundwave gets an impression of delighted laughter across the bond. Starscream stops flailing and glares at Soundwave. “Get her off me!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry,” Soundwave says, biting down on a laugh. “I can help you plan, or I can control Laserbeak.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Starscream gives him a withering look. “Fine. Keep telling me about why my plan to get Knock Out on our side is stupid, then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I never said it was stupid,” Soundwave says mildly, “but if you’re going to want him to stay on our side, you’re going to need to get him to let go of the idea that the Decepticons are the winning side, because we won’t be winning.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What, steer him towards peace?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That is the end goal,” Soundwave says. A flash of inspiration strikes. “Tell him Megatron hit me for suggesting peace. Everyone on the ship has already heard some rumor about why that happened, and if the truth starts to trickle down from high command, it could do wonders for- what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You suggested peace to Megatron?” Starscream asks, voice and expression completely unreadable. At his shoulder, Laserbeak bobs anxiously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soundwave’s tanks give a swoop like he’s missed a stair. “Before I agreed to help,” he says, and hates how uncertain he sounds. “I thought- he usually listens to me. Or he used to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Something in Starscream’s expression softens a shade. Soundwave almost wants to call the look affectionate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” he asks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing,” Starscream says, glancing away. “Just that you are a truly extraordinary creature.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soundwave flushes warm all over, like he’s been basking in the sun for hours. His plating fluffs against the sudden heat and mad spin of his spark. Even if he had a response to something like that, he’s not sure he could speak around the rush of emotions strangling him. He aches to reach out to touch Starscream, every inch of him aches for contact, the slide of plating over his. He clenches his hands into fists against the impulse to touch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” Soundwave’s voice is barely audible, even to himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Starscream’s plating flutters. “Whatever. We don’t have a lot of time. Tell me more about your rumor idea, I like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” Soundwave says. Laserbeak glides down to his shoulder, and he begins to detail the rest of his idea.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>This time it’s Soundwave who comms Starscream.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>::We’ve got a problem,::</span>
  </em>
  <span> he says. </span>
  <em>
    <span>::I found an energon harvester. Megatron wants it.::</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>On the other end of the comm, Starscream swears. </span>
  <em>
    <span>::What did he say specifically?::</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>::I’m taking Knock Out and Breakdown to a museum in a city to retrieve it.:: </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>::Fuck. When do you leave?::</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>::Ten minutes.::</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>::Damn it. Where are you?::</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>::My hab. After refuelling, we’re off.::</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Starscream doesn’t respond, but before Soundwave’s finished his cube, there’s a ping from his door. Soundwave grants access, and Starscream all but falls in, wings high and wide and tense.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why is he in such a rush?” Starscream demands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Breakdown had a run in with Bulkhead,” Soundwave says. “The Autobots know about it too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Starscream starts pacing. “That could help us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let the Autobots take the harvester?” Soundwave asks. It goes against everything he’s done for the last four million years, but he forces himself to consider it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“More or less,” Starscream says. “I doubt Prime will use it, at least as a weapon. He’s too </span>
  <em>
    <span>moral</span>
  </em>
  <span> for that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Starscream sneers the word, but Soundwave detects a hint of respect in his voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can make sure it stays out of our hands,” Soundwave says. He feels like he should be more nervous about doing something treasonous with so many potential witnesses, but all he feels is calm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you make it convincing?” Starscream asks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soundwave turns to look at him, and something about his body language makes Starscream stop his pacing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I used to be a gladiator,” Soundwave says. “I know how to throw a fight and make it look real.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sets aside his cube and touches Starscream’s arm in a way he hopes is reassuring. Starscream’s optics drop to the spot where Soundwave’s fingers meet plating and dart back up to Soundwave’s face, smelter bright gaze searching for answers on a blank mask.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Trust me,” Soundwave says, squeezing Starscream’s arm gently. “I won’t let him get it. No one else is going to die.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soundwave lets go of Starscream’s arm and pretends not to be aware of the gaze still burning into him. The weight of it makes him feel like he’s going insane and leaves him reeling for a sense of normalcy. He turns slightly away from Starscream and taps Laserbeak’s wing. She disengages, and Soundwave gets the distinct impression that she’s been waiting for an excuse to leave the room gracefully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s not going with you?” Starscream asks, as Laserbeak zips away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She does have her own life,” Soundwave says. “No need to drag her to a smash and grab.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course,” Starscream says. He rocks subtly on his feet like he has something else he wants to say, but when Soundwave pauses, he stays quiet. The air feels tense.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I should go,” Soundwave says. As he turns to leave, Starscream’s finger’s wrap around his wrist.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait!” Starscream’s voice rings too loud in the small space, and in a smaller voice he repeats, “Wait.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have to go,” Soundwave says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” Starscream says. He steps into Soundwave’s space, close enough that Soundwave could wrap his arms around him, if he wanted. “I know, I just-” One of his hands comes up to brush Soundwave’s jaw. “I want-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His other hand comes up to mirror the first, thumbs brushing the seams of the mask. Slowly, carefully, Soundwave reaches up and catches his wrists.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing?” he asks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to see you,” Starscream says like he’s choking on the words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soundwave’s spark feels like it’s going to burst out of his chest, it’s spinning so fast. He doesn’t want to vent, barely wants to move, afraid that even the brushing of his thumbs over the backs of Starscream’s hands will ruin this fragile moment he’s caught in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You already do,” Soundwave says, voice barely above a vent. “The face under this mask isn’t me, any more than your substructure is you. You already see me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A tremor runs through Starscream, something so small and fast that Soundwave probably wouldn’t have noticed if it weren’t for the stillness and quiet. His optics stop their searching over Soundwave’s face and hold his gaze like he’s found something somehow even better than what he was originally looking for.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course,” Starscream breathes. He rocks forward, hesitates, and leans in. Soundwave meets him in that last lean.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It should be strange and awkward, having someone kiss his mask, but Soundwave feels like he’s been hit with lightning. He drops his hands to Starscream’s waist and pulls him closer, until their chests touch and he swears he can feel the energy from Starscream’s spark thrumming at the same eager frequency as his. Starscream makes a surprised, delighted noise that Soundwave commits to memory because there can’t possibly be a better sound in the universe than Starscream being happy to kiss </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The kiss ends far too quickly, but Starscream doesn’t pull away, just rests his forehead against Soundwave’s. His fingers pet little patterns on the back of Soundwave’s neck, and part of Soundwave wants to laugh at the thrill of having Starscream so close and so breathless from such a small kiss.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My dear Soundwave,” Starscream whispers, and Soundwave hears more than sees his smile. Soundwave wishes he would kiss him again.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>::Commander.:: </span>
  </em>
  <span>Knock Out’s voice over his comms startles Soundwave so badly he nearly knocks helms with Starscream. </span>
  <em>
    <span>::We’re ready to go when you are.::</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Soundwave pings an affirmative and reluctantly steps out of Starscream’s hold. “I have to go.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” Starscream says. He darts forward and presses a soft kiss to Soundwave’s jaw. “Fly back safe to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soundwave squeezes his hand. “Promise.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Wonder</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Soundwave's pretty sure he's the stupidest mech alive.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Okay so first of all, I want to apologize for the late update. September was a lot but I survived and this chapter got written! Hooray!</p>
<p>Kinda related to that, I want to give the absolute biggest shout out to <a href="https://2-k1ll-u.tumblr.com/">2-k1ll-u</a> for their AMAZING art for this fic. All their art is absolutely lovely, you should definitely check their work out and give them your support.</p>
<p>Most important thing is that with this chapter, the fic rating has gone up pretty significantly from Teen to Mature. This chapter contains a sex scene, as well as some plot relevant information. I understand not everyone's comfortable with sexual content, so if that's not your cup of tea, just stop reading at:</p>
<p>"Stay. Please?"</p>
<p>and pick back up at:</p>
<p>"C'mere," Soundwave says.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>Wonder  /ˈwən-dər/</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>(noun) 1. A cause of astonishment or admiration; miracle</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>(noun) 2. The quality of exciting, amazed admiration</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>(noun) 3. A feeling of doubt or uncertainty</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>(verb) 1. To be in a state of wonder; to feel surprise</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>(verb) 2. To feel curiosity or doubt</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave’s never been part of such a vicious dressing down. That isn’t to say he hasn’t made mistakes before. He had, especially in the early days when they were all figuring this war thing out. On the surface, several of his previous reprimands had been like this, on the bridge for all to see, Megatron pacing in front and trying to instill a sense of shame and a desire to do better next time.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This is not like those times.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave stands next to Knock Out and Breakdown, hands clasped behind his back, watching Megatron pace and work himself into a rage. Starscream stands off to the side, looking perfectly bored and inspecting his talons, but Soundwave avoids looking at him as much as he can.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I expect this kind of incompetence from the likes of you two,” Megatron says, and Knock Out and Breakdown both flinch, “but you, Soundwave. I am disappointed.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That stings a little, but it doesn’t hurt the way it would’ve a month ago. In fact, Soundwave’s quite proud of himself. Getting the energon harvester blown up hadn’t been his original plan, he would’ve much preferred the Autobots get it so gathering resources would be easier for all parties once there was peace, but it accomplished the same goal in the end. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We were outnumbered, Lord Megatron,” Knock Out protests.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t want excuses!” Megatron snarls, and Knock Out flinches back. “I want results!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You should’ve gone to get it yourself,” Starscream interrupts.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Megatron pauses mid loom and rounds on him. Starscream flinches but holds his ground. Unseen by anyone else in the room, Soundwave tenses. Three years ago, he hadn’t paid much attention to Starscream’s outbursts beyond a feeling of vague annoyance, but now he wants to seize him and tell him to shut up, to fade back into the background.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Just what are you insinuating, Starscream?” Megatron says in a deadly calm voice Soundwave recognizes well.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>::What are you doing?::</span>
  </em>
  <span> Soundwave comms Starscream.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We’ve lost two weapons because of your fear of Prime,” Starscream snaps, predictably ignoring Soundwave, “we would have our hands on Skyquake and the energon harvester-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Megatron’s eyes flash, and behind his back, Soundwave’s hands clench into fists. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>::Starscream-::</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>::Don’t intervene.::</span>
  </em>
  <span> Starscream sounds calm even as he yelps and shrinks away from Megatron. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>::But-::</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>::Trust me,::</span>
  </em>
  <span> Starscream says. Soundwave sees the shifting in Megatron’s posture, gearing up for an attack, and squeezes his eyes shut. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That doesn’t stop the sound of metal striking metal from boring into his processor like a drill, or Starscream’s cry of pain from seizing his spark. Starscream dissolves into begging and apologizing, and Soundwave hates himself.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Take him to the med bay.” Megatron snarls, and Soundwave opens his eyes to see Knock Out dart forward to where Starscream’s crumpled on the ground, arms raised in front of his face. The large dent on one side of his chassis explains the faint wheezing coming from his vents, and the sight makes Soundwave’s energon boil in his lines. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>For a moment, he </span>
  <em>
    <span>hates</span>
  </em>
  <span> Megatron.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t touch me!” Starscream jerks away from Knock Out and hauls himself to his feet.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Starscream follows Knock Out off the bridge under the gazes of the crew. Soundwave forces himself not to stare, taking his cues to look away from the Vehicons scattered around the room. Next to him, Breakdown stares after his conjux until well after the doors have closed behind him, visibly anxious. Envy flashes through Soundwave. Breakdown can look at Knock Out as much as he wants. He gets to worry about him, to care about him where people can see, while every glance at Starscream is a calculated risk on Soundwave’s part.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dismissed,” Megatron snaps at Soundwave and Breakdown. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Breakdown all but runs off the bridge, but Soundwave forces himself to show restraint. He bows slightly to Megatron and does his best to project calm and apathy. Once upon a time, he would’ve gone back to work and plugged himself into the computer, but if Megatron tries to talk with him now, Soundwave’s going to-</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Well, he’s not sure what he’s going to do, but it won’t be good for maintaining secrecy.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Once he’s in the relative privacy of the hallway, he opens his comms. </span>
  <em>
    <span>::That was a stupid thing to do.::</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Starscream’s reply is instantaneous. </span>
  <em>
    <span>::I had to get myself alone with Knock Out to spread your rumor somehow.::</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>::Don’t put this on me,::</span>
  </em>
  <span> Soundwave says, worry making his tone sharper than usual. </span>
  <em>
    <span>::There’s other ways you could’ve done that and you know it.::</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There’s a stretch of silence over the comm, and Soundwave begins making his way to the mess. Maybe a cube will calm him down.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>::You’re right,::</span>
  </em>
  <span> Starscream says. </span>
  <em>
    <span>::I’m sorry.::</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>::Apology accepted,::</span>
  </em>
  <span> Soundwave says. He takes a cube of energon and sits down in a corner of the mess, rubbing his thumb over the smooth edge. </span>
  <em>
    <span>::He’s getting more violent.::</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>::I know.::</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There’s a stretch of quiet wherein Soundwave sips at his energon with his cable. He can’t taste it when he refuels this way, and between that and the anxiety twisting his tanks, it’s difficult to force anything down. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>::Knock Out seemed receptive to your rumor,::</span>
  </em>
  <span> Starscream says. </span>
  <em>
    <span>::He seemed to believe it readily enough, and I suspect the rumor mill will be churning that one out at full bore within a week.::</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>::Great.::</span>
  </em>
  <span> Even though it was his idea, Soundwave’s not exactly eager to have the whole ship adding their two shanix about his business. </span>
  <em>
    <span>::Are you okay?::</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>::I’m fine,::</span>
  </em>
  <span> Starscream says. </span>
  <em>
    <span>::I can take it. I’ll comm you when it’s safe to meet again.::</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>::Okay.:: </span>
  </em>
  <span>Soundwave wishes he could think of something better to say, that he’s looking forward to it, that he can’t wait, that Starscream shouldn’t have to ‘take it,’ but before he can figure out a way to articulate any of that, the comm line goes dead. Soundwave lets out a long vent and drains the rest of the cube.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave can’t recharge. He can’t get comfortable, and on the rare occasion he does find a comfortable position, his processor bombards him with so much anxiety that he feels like he’s going out of his mind. It doesn’t help that Laserbeak is starting to get irritated with all his tossing and turning. After he rolls over for the third time in ten minutes, Laserbeak disengages and flies over to her perch with an angry, high pitched whistling sound. Frustration radiates across the bond.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” he says, pushing himself into a sitting position because it’s not like he was getting any recharge anyway. “I know this is hard on you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She beeps at him, a sharp, annoyed sound, but over the bond, the frustration softens. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Tell you what,” he says. “Take some time for yourself, and when I’m actually tired, we can recharge.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A thread of worry works its way through Laserbeak’s frustration, and Soundwave stands up and holds his arm out for her to hop on. She flutters over to his shoulder kibble instead and nuzzles his head, and his spark squeezes with affection for her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m serious,” he says, scratching the underside of one wing. “I’ll be okay. I won’t let anything happen to you. Or me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her engine gives a little purr, and she bumps her head against his.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you too,” he says. “Now go, try to relax.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Laserbeak’s worries don’t seem particularly assuaged, but she flies in a lazy circle over his head before gliding out the door. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave watches her go and sighs as Laserbeak closes off her end of the bond until all he can feel is her general presence. He doesn’t know what she does in her free time, really, and she doesn’t usually tell him. He tries not to let it get to him. She’s allowed her privacy.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Calming down is more difficult than he anticipated. If he’s being honest with himself, he’s still worried about Starscream. He’d said he was okay, but Soundwave hasn’t seen him since they were on the bridge together, and all he can think about is the wheeze of his vents. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave paces the length of his room until he’s dizzy. He washes up in his washracks. He dusts off the little table in the corner and looks through his datapads in the vain hope that something might catch his attention this time around. He checks his chronometer.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>An hour has passed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave swears and sits down hard on the edge of his berth. He feels exhausted and energized at the same time, like he’s going to buzz out of his plating. His head drops into his hands, fingers scraping at the back of his helm.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’s considering comming Laserbeak and telling her to come back just so he doesn’t have to be alone, when someone pings his door for access. The fact that the door pings again before he’s finished standing up gives him a pretty good idea who it is, but he still checks the identification before opening the door.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Starscream slinks in, looking good as new. There’s no indication that he was ever injured, and his plating gleams in the low light, red accents almost glowing. He looks better than new, really. He looks beautiful.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I thought you said it wasn’t safe for us to meet like this,” Soundwave says carefully.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It isn’t,” Starscream says, and steps a little closer into Soundwave’s space. “I just didn’t want to be alone right now.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I understand.” Soundwave reaches out with one hand, fingertips aching to touch Starscream’s cheek, but he stops just short. A sudden fear squeezes his spark. They haven’t talked about the kiss at all, or what it means for them, and every inch of Soundwave’s being balks at the idea of somehow ruining this fragile thing between them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The touch on his wrist is soft as a whisper as Starscream guides his hand, leaning his cheek into Soundwave’s palm. Soundwave glides his thumb over the contours of Starscream’s face, feels the shift as Starscream gives him a soft smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You scared me today,” Soundwave says softly, and Starscream’s smile fades.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” he says. He reaches out, mirroring Soundwave, and traces his talons over the place on his jaw where he’d been injured all those weeks ago. “I thought he was going to hurt you again.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He wouldn’t have,” Soundwave says, “and even if he was going to, you don’t have to do that for me. I would’ve been fine.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Perhaps,” Starscream says, “but I’d do it again.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave should definitely say something to that, but he can’t think of anything, in no small part because Starscream’s fingers have gone from resting on his wrist to tracing maddening little patterns. The feeling drives him to distraction, and the moment he’s managed to gather his thoughts into something resembling coherency, the tip of a talon dips into a transformation seam, and Soundwave’s focus jumps to the gentle back and forth motion. He’s aware of Starscream staring at him, waiting for some kind of response, and gives himself a vigorous mental shake.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Um,” he says eloquently. “Were you having trouble recharging too?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Starscream’s lips quirk up into a lopsided smile. “Something like that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He steps out of Soundwave’s grasp and wanders over to inspect the shelves of datapads. His wings are low and relaxed, framing his waist and the gentle flare of his hips. Soundwave forces himself to look somewhere else.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t think you’ll find anything interesting there,” he says apologetically. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Starscream turns to look at him, smile widening to a full blown smirk. “Now there’s a pity.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There’s something in his tone that makes a shiver run down Soundwave’s spinal strut. He feels wrong footed and slow.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry,” he says.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t be,” Starscream says. “I’ll just have to make my own entertainment.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay,” Soundwave says, and wants to smack himself upside the head for acting like an idiot. This is Starscream, he can talk to Starscream. “I’d offer you a seat but there really isn’t anywhere.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t be silly,” Starscream says, and sits down on the berth. “This is fine.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave’s systems flush hot, and his plating ruffles in an attempt to force the hot air out discreetly. The keen look flitting across Starscream’s face tells him it’s not discreet enough. Some of the tension Soundwave’s feeling must show on his frame, because Starscream’s smile softens a little.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Come here.” He pats the berth next to him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A month ago, Soundwave would’ve resented being invited to sit in his own hab, but now he shuffles forward mechanically and sits down, leaving a good sized space between them. Starscream’s winglets flick in an emotion Soundwave can’t interpret. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What were you thinking for entertainment?” Soundwave asks, trying to keep the awkwardness he feels out of his voice. “I have some holovids but-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He breaks off as Starscream all but crawls over and drapes himself in Soundwave’s lap, arms twined around his neck. The places where their plating touches feels like a series of live wires, sparking and arcing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I had something a little more hands on in mind.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Oh.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave’s pretty sure he’s actually the stupidest mech in the universe. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh,” he says. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Starscream tenses in his lap. “Unless I’ve misinterpreted.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He launches himself out of Soundwave’s lap before Soundwave can pull himself together, mortification in every line of his frame. Soundwave aches with the sudden loss of his weight and warmth, but when he tries to reach out, Starscream flinches back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” he says. “I’ll just go.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He starts to turn, dissolving into nervous energy, and the sheer </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> Soundwave’s been pushing down bursts forth. He stands up too and grabs Starscream’s hand, ignoring the surprised noise he gets.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Stay,” he whispers, spark pounding in his chest.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Stay. Please?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Starscream makes a tiny noise in the back of his throat and surges forward, winding his arms around Soundwave’s neck and kissing him hard. The fact that it’s a mask he’s kissing doesn’t even make him hesitate, and Soundwave makes a helpless noise and grabs his winglets. A shudder runs through Starscream, winglets pushing back into Soundwave’s hands, and he moves to kiss along the edge of the mask.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Static blats out of Soundwave’s vocalizer when he feels the barest trace of Starscream’s glossa on the underside of his jaw. Starscream lets out a breathy laugh and dives in, nipping and sucking on cables until Soundwave’s sure his knees are going to give out. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Starscream,” he gasps. “I want-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He breaks off as Starscream </span>
  <em>
    <span>bites</span>
  </em>
  <span> his fuel line, a thin whine eeking out of his throat, hands scrabbling at Starscream’s wings and back. After millenia of disuse, his array is coming online with a vengeance. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What was that?” Starscream asks, all faux sweetness, and before Soundwave can begin to formulate a response, Starscream takes the line back in his mouth and sucks hard. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave’s thoughts scatter, and his hips twitch. He feels out of control with all the raw </span>
  <em>
    <span>need</span>
  </em>
  <span> coursing through him, and they’ve barely done anything</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> “Starscream, please,” he gasps. “I need- I need-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you need?” Starscream asks, pausing the attention he’s lavishing on Soundwave’s neck. “Tell me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Everything</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Soundwave wants to say. He wants to hold Starscream down and explore every inch of him, to see what makes him moan. He wants to see what makes him scream. He wants Starscream to fuck him until his mind is blank with pleasure. He wants </span>
  <em>
    <span>everything</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Another desperate whine is all that comes out of Soundwave’s vocalizer. Starscream pulls back to look at Soundwave, his features softening, and he cradles Soundwave’s face in one hand. Soundwave nuzzles into the touch.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s okay,” he says. “Come on, lie down.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Getting them both on the berth is difficult. They’re both reluctant to let go, a tangle of limbs and kibble, but once they’re on the berth, Starscream wastes no time. He kisses down Soundwave’s chest, tracing transformation seams with his glossa and biolights with his fingers. The sensation is almost ticklish, Soundwave keeps twitching and gasping and bucking his hips to try and get Starscream’s attention where he needs it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Starscream’s talons dip into his exposed hip joints, Soundwave makes a strangled noise he never would’ve thought himself capable of. Starscream repeats the same gentle petting, searching motion, bright eyes fixed on Soundwave’s hidden face. Soundwave moans and covers his mask with his hands like that’ll make any difference. It doesn’t even stop him from seeing Starscream’s smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Open for me,” Starscream purrs. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He barely finishes speaking before Soundwave’s panels snap aside, spike surging free. Starscream’s close enough to his array that he goes slightly cross opticked staring at it, and even in the heat of the moment, Soundwave finds it adorable, and honestly a little flattering. His spike is nothing special, proportional to his size, but very simple. He’d never bothered with mods or anything like that, so there were only a few ridges in the dark purple metal, accented with rings of soft pinkish violet biolights.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That doesn’t seem to be a deterrent for Starscream. He runs his glossa up the underside of Soundwave’s spike from base to tip, and the noise Soundwave makes might generously be described as a yelp. At the same time, he feels the back of Starscream’s fingers brushing over his valve, just barely missing his anterior node. His hips jerk up, seeking stimulation that isn’t there.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck, Starscream,” Soundwave pants. “Give me something.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Patience,” Starscream says. “Do you want me to take your spike or valve?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave’s hips pause in their restless twitching. “Both?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Starscream lets out a delighted laugh and nuzzles Soundwave’s thigh. “Lovely thing,” he says, almost to himself, then, a little louder, “I want you to fuck me after this.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave expects him to go straight for the prize, to bring Soundwave to a fast overload so he can have his, but Starscream lavishes Soundwave’s valve with the same attention to detail he gives his schemes. His glossa dips into the gaps in the armor at Soundwave’s hips, alternating sides whenever a spot gets too sensitive and Soundwave starts squirming away. Talon tips trace the edges of his valve, the touch almost imperceptible against the other sensations.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Starscream,” Soundwave whines. He bites his glossa before he starts begging, but that doesn’t stop another whining moan from forcing its way out of his throat.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes?” Starscream barely pauses in his thorough exploration of Soundwave’s right thigh.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Put your mouth somewhere useful,” Soundwave says, trying to make it sound like an order, but he’s pretty sure it comes out too needy.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ask-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If you tell me to ask you nicely,” Soundwave threatens, “I’ll throw you out on your wings and neither of us will get what we want.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Starscream blinks at him. “Well when you put it like that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He eats Soundwave’s valve like a starving mech, long licks of his glossa interspersed with sharp sucks on his anterior node, even an occasional brush of denta that has Soundwave’s voice rising dangerously close to a scream. Soundwave’s charge, building steadily until this point, rockets up, bright sparks arcing between seams and across to Starscream’s helm where Soundwave’s grabbed him. Starscream moans against his node.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck,” Soundwave moans. This is what he’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted</span>
  </em>
  <span>, this undivided attention on him and his pleasure, and glad for it. Soundwave grinds against Starscream’s glossa and relishes the noise he gets in return. Primus, he could stay like this forever, with Starscream’s head between his thighs and their charge arcing back and forth- because it </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> mutual, Soundwave can feel the sparks grounding against his plating, and the idea that this is affecting Starscream as much as it’s affecting him is driving him </span>
  <em>
    <span>wild</span>
  </em>
  <span>-</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave overloads with a cry that feels like it’s being pulled out of him. It’s a high he never wants to come down from, pure pleasure and warmth. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He does come down though, and as he does, Starscream’s ministrations, gentle little licks now, begin to be too much. Soundwave squirms, twisting his hips and pushing at Starscream’s head. Starscream eases back willingly enough, face shining with lubricant and looking incredibly pleased with himself.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That good?” he asks, smug.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Come here.” Soundwave grabs Starscream’s arm and in one fluid movement, pulls him up and rolls them both over, pinning Starscream beneath him. Starscream’s eyes blow wide, and he lets out this breathy little </span>
  <em>
    <span>oh</span>
  </em>
  <span> that makes Soundwave want to ruin him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re a terror,” Soundwave says.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You love it,” Starscream says, grinning.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, I do,” Soundwave says with a small laugh, and then Starscream’s kissing him, arms tossed around his neck and pulling him down to press lubricant sticky lips against his mask. It’s the kind of thing that should probably gross Soundwave out, but all it does is make him moan and grind his spike against Starscream’s panels.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There’s a soft click, and Soundwave moans as his spike slides through the hot, slick mesh of Starscream’s valve. Starscream whimpers as Soundwave pulls back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I want to see,” Soundwave says, waving off Starscream’s grasping hands and kneeling up to take in the sight of Starscream splayed out for him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>For all his usual attention seeking antics, Starscream looks flustered under this new scrutiny, chewing his bottom lip and unable to meet Soundwave’s gaze. His wings and plating gleam in the low light, waxed and polished to a shine that begs to be touched. Every inch of him, the pulsing biolights, the red accents of his paint, the taper of his waist, draws Soundwave’s attention to his array. His spike is like the rest of him, slim but elegant, decorated with ridges and red biolights. Just under it, his anterior node blinks red too, a crowning jewel on a valve dripping with lubricant.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave dips his fingers into seams at each of Starscream’s knees and draws them all the way up to the spot where thigh meets array, and Starscream’s answering moan cracks out of him like breaking ice. His hips jerk up, and Soundwave watches, hypnotized, as his valve clenches down on nothing and squeezes out more lubricant. Soundwave’s spinal strut feels like it’s been turned to water.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Primus, you’re a treasure,” he mumbles.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Starscream makes a wrecked noise. “Sap.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe,” Soundwave says easily, and runs his fingers along the length of a different set of seams. Starscream moans again, and Soundwave watches the fresh wave of lubricant with fascination. He can’t remember the last time he saw someone so </span>
  <em>
    <span>wet</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and he wonders if Starscream’s always like this or if it’s because it’s Soundwave touching him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He hopes it’s the latter.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck,” Starscream moans. “Get down here and fuck me damn it!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>For a moment, Soundwave considers teasing him more, just to see how wet and desperate he can get him, but really, at this point he’d just be denying himself.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay,” Soundwave says, like his world isn’t shifting under him. It takes some maneuvering, getting into a position where he can get his fingers in Starscream’s valve without elbowing himself in the abdomen, but Starscream’s reaction when he manages is worth it. Soundwave knows his fingers on their own are too slim to give much satisfaction, but he’s nothing if not thorough. He sets about scissoring his fingers and massaging every node he finds until Starscream’s plating chimes with how badly his thighs are shaking.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t stop,” Starscream moans, voice shot through with static. “Primus, fuck, don’t stop.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You gonna overload?” Soundwave asks, not quite able to keep his voice steady as Starscream’s calipers ripple over his fingers. Primus, he’s never wanted to see anything so badly in his life.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Starscream moans something that sounds vaguely like a yes, and his talons sink in where they’ve latched on to Soundwave’s back. All his shaking and twitching stops, and for a moment he hangs there in perfect stillness, a wire drawn taut to the breaking point. Then Soundwave rubs his thumb over his anterior node, and Starscream falls apart with a static laced keen, and it’s every bit as beautiful as Soundwave had hoped. Back arched, eyes screwed shut, lips trembling. Soundwave can’t believe something so perfect exists.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave pulls his fingers out of Starscream’s valve, relishing the way he whimpers and twitches at the movement. He wants to be gentle, take his time and savor this moment, but his spike aches for attention. Starscream seems to be rallying too, sinking out of the afterglow into a hazy cloud of desperation.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“C’mon, c’mon.” He unhooks his talons from Soundwave’s back and begins trying to tug him into the position he wants. “Want your spike, want you to fuck me, please.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave’s spike twitches. “Primus, okay.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He levers himself onto his elbows and maneuvers back between Starscream’s legs, a position that puts him in range of Starscream’s mouth. His charge feels like it’s burning him from the inside out as Starscream licks a line of heat up his throat and nips at his jaw. Soundwave grinds his spike through the sloppy mess of Starscream’s valve, listens to the beautifully desperate noise he makes, and pushes in.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Even after an overload, Starscream’s valve is tight, calipers fluttering against Soundwave’s spike. Tight and hot and so fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>perfect</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Soundwave buries his face in Starscream’s neck like it’ll do anything to muffle the moans pouring out of him. He bottoms out and wishes so badly he could kiss Starscream back like this. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Please, please,” Starscream whimpers, nuzzling his face against Soundwave’s helm. He squirms in Soundwave’s grasp, desperate like he hasn’t just had an overload. “Please fuck me, please, Soundwave, I need it, I need you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh fuck,” Soundwave moans, and almost without his permission, he pulls out and slams back in. Starscream keens, a sound of pure ecstasy, and the last threads of Soundwave’s self control snap.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He meant to take his time and revel in the feeling of having proud, aloof Starscream so pliant and willing under him, but he feels animal and wild. Every thrust forces a moan out of Starscream, and each moan goes straight to Soundwave’s spike. The prick of talons returning to their place on his back makes Soundwave moan.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Primus, you’re perfect,” he gasps.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Just for you.” Starscream’s answering moan is almost a sob, and the raw need in his voice is enough to make Soundwave’s hips falter in their rhythm. He picks back up again with a new desperation, a need to have and hold and protect. The intensity might’ve scared him some other time, the enormity of his own desire, but in this moment it feels right.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t let me go.” Starscream answers Soundwave’s intensity with a wild need, legs hooking over Soundwave’s hips and digging his talons in further, as if Soundwave could possibly stop now. “Don’t let me go, Soundwave, please.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave’s engines snarl at the sudden possessiveness that claws up his throat, and he pulls away from Starscream’s shoulder to see his face. Despite the pace he’s fucking him at, despite Starscream’s eyes overbright with charge and the noises falling out of his mouth, there’s an undeniable gentleness to the way Starscream’s hands slide up from Soundwave’s back to cradle his head. The naked adoration and trust in his gaze makes Soundwave’s spark pulse and his chest plates judder with the urge to open.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Never.” Soundwave can barely speak around the weight of what he’s feeling. His pace shifts to something slower and deeper, a constant grind on Starscream’s ceiling node. Starscream starts shaking. “Mine. You’re mine.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yours-” Starscream whimpers. “Soundwave!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes,” Soundwave hisses. “Give it to me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Starscream overloads with a scream that breaks into a sob, arching off the berth and locking his legs around Soundwave. He’s so fucking beautiful, charge crackling across his frame, breath hitching on undone noises, and Soundwave’s spark surges with savage pride, because </span>
  <em>
    <span>he did that</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he made Starscream feel good.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s too much, the clench of his valve, the moans trailing off into whimpers. Soundwave overloads hard, vision and hearing glitching with the force of it. He’s distantly aware of frantic kisses peppering his face and words whispered into his audial, but he can’t make anything out beyond the glow of pleasure.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When he comes back to himself, his arms are shaking with the effort of supporting himself. With a wet noise and a small gasp from Starscream, he pulls out. He barely manages to avoid Starscream’s wing as he rolls off him. For a moment, they’re both quiet, listening to the sounds of cooling metal and their fans winding down.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“C’mere,” Soundwave says, lifting an arm in invitation.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Starscream drapes himself across Soundwave with a happy sigh, and Soundwave’s hands automatically come up to pet his back. Contentment is a good look on him, Soundwave decides. He looks younger and softer, pillowing his head on Soundwave’s chest, talons tracing absent patterns on the armor in front of him. Just looking at him makes Soundwave’s spark squeeze with almost unbearable affection.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey,” he says softly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hey yourself.” Starscream’s smile is so sweet that just for a moment, Soundwave’s vents stall.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m so lucky to have you,” Soundwave says before he can think better of it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No,” Starscream says, “I’m the one who’s lucky.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We can both be lucky,” Soundwave says. Starscream hums and resumes tracing little patterns. His smile fades, replaced by something more serious, almost melancholic.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t be able to do this without you,” he says quietly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You could,” Soundwave starts, but Starscream cuts him off, shaking his head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know where I’d be without you,” he says, “but it wouldn’t be good. You’re the only reason any of this is happening.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He sounds more sincere that Soundwave’s ever heard him, and fear starts to creep its way into Soundwave’s spark.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s brought this on?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Starscream wriggles closer and buries his face in Soundwave’s neck, and Soundwave holds him tighter. He can feel him shaking.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Star,” Soundwave asks, “what’s wrong?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t want to lose you,” Starscream says, voice muffled by Soundwave’s plating.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not going anywhere, sweetspark,” Soundwave soothes. “I meant what I said. I won’t let you go.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Starscream lifts his head from the crook of Soundwave’s neck, eyes bright with a myriad of unreadable emotions. “What if I hurt you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Maybe it’s the warm fuzz of the afterglow still clinging to Soundwave’s processor, but the reassurance that Starscream couldn’t possibly hurt him springs easily to his tongue. Still, it feels dismissive to say it so casually, and Soundwave’s a little surprised at himself at how easily the response comes. He thinks it over for a moment, weighing the words.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Starscream,” he says, and cups his face with one hand, “I trust you not to hurt me. This war may not be over, but you’re going to bring us through safe to the other side, and I’ll be right there with you. I promise.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Once upon a time, Soundwave had gone with Megatronus and Orion Pax to Iacon, moral support to the former and protection for the latter. On the way to meet with the senate, they had passed a temple to Primus, and Soundwave swears, four million years later, that the same look of agony and adoration on Starscream’s face is the same one he had seen on the worshippers at the temple.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rather than responding, Starscream buries his face back in Soundwave’s neck and clings to him, but Soundwave supposes that is response enough.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Innocence</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Soundwave discovers that sometimes, ignorance is bliss.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>Innocence  /ˈi-nə-sən(t)s/</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>(noun) 1. Freedom from legal guilt of a particular crime</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>(noun) 2. Freedom from guilt or sin through being unacquainted with evil</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>(noun) 3. Lack of knowledge: ignorance</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave wakes up feeling refreshed for the first time in a longer time than he cares to think about. He reaches out next to him, expecting to find Starscream’s frame, but all he finds is an empty berth, covers long gone cold. Anxiety spikes through the cloud of sleepy contentment. His fingers brush the edge of cool metal, and he fumbles to bring the datapad closer to read.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Gone to shift. I’ll comm you when we can meet again. Be safe.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Three sentences, thirteen words total, and it’s still enough to make Soundwave’s spark pulse with happiness. At the bottom of the page is a postscript.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>You NEED better polishes.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave can almost see the teasing curve of his mouth around the words, and the sheer Starscream-ness of the whole thing fills him up with so much affection he can barely stand it. In the privacy of his hab, Soundwave hugs the datapad to his chest and rolls over to press himself into berth covers that still smell like Starscream. He has to get up to prepare for his shift soon, scrub the evidence of this affair off his frame and mask the happy blinking of his biolights, but for now, he’s going to enjoy this moment a little bit longer.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Even though Soundwave never turns away from his screens, he stays acutely aware of Starscream’s presence the whole time they’re on the bridge together. Usually, Megatron and Starscream being on the bridge at the same time, especially when Soundwave can’t see them makes him worry, but today, things are calmer. There haven’t been any real arguments, just vague sniping and petty jabs, and without that tension, Starscream’s presence feels like a reassurance that someone has his back, even if they can’t acknowledge each other. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Laserbeak rejoins him shortly after he arrives on the bridge, docking his chest and flooding the bond with sleepy contentment and only a little smugness, which Soundwave ignores. He pulses warmth and affection at her, and she returns it before settling into recharge. For the first time in a very long time, he doesn’t sense any worry coming from her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As Starscream heads off the bridge, snapping that if Megatron won’t do anything about the impending energon shortage then he will, Soundwave’s hackles start to rise. The idea of being alone with Megatron, even in a room full of Vehicons, makes him nervous. He stands by what he said to Starscream last night. He doesn’t think Megatron will hurt him again, not in front of witnesses anyway, but he’d prefer not to get dragged to another, increasingly awkward refueling.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Soundwave,” Megatron says, “do a scan for energon. Make it planet wide. There’s no reason for us to limit our search to this region.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hiding his relief, Soundwave nods his assent and turns back to the computer. For such a primitive planet, there are a myriad of variables that plague energon scans. Radio waves, liquid water, frozen water, and the tangle of electronic devices that make up human cities can all distort or hide energon’s energy signature. It’s impossible to control for all those variables at once, so he’ll have to run several scans. Soundwave usually hates this kind of busy work, but now he’s just glad to have an excuse to avoid conversation.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As he queues up the various scans, he pulls up a record of all incoming and outgoing signals from the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Nemesis</span>
  </em>
  <span> for the day. Double checking the filing job is the kind of thing he sets up to run in the background so he can focus on more important things, but today something catches his attention.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>One of the signals has been flagged as ‘weird.’ Not hostile, or even necessarily suspicious, just weird. Soundwave skims the memo attached. It seems to spring up relatively rarely, every few months at the most often and several years between occurrences at times. No one had noticed it before now because it skipped around between frequencies at random about a dozen times a second. If Soundwave hadn’t reprogrammed the entire security system back when he was avoiding Starscream, he probably never would’ve noticed it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As Soundwave watches, a little green dot appears next to the signal. It’s broadcasting.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The presence of the signal on its own doesn’t necessarily mean anything sinister, he reasons. The </span>
  <em>
    <span>Nemesis</span>
  </em>
  <span> is a complicated piece of machinery, and any number of problems with her hardware could produce an unusual signal. Still, it’s worth investigating, and certainly more interesting than energon sweeps.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave sets the scans to run automatically and record all results for him to sort through later. He unplugs from the computer and turns to Megatron.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Signal-- requires investigation,” he says in cobbled together voices, sending Megatron a small datapack.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Megatron’s optics dim slightly as he reads the information on his HUD. “Do you suspect a saboteur?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave shakes his head.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Very well,” Megatron says. “I’ll keep some Vehicons on stand-by should you need back up.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave inclines his head in a small bow and exits the bridge. As the ship housing all of Decepticon high command, the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Nemesis</span>
  </em>
  <span> has in her depths, a second bridge, in the event that the first one is damaged or the ship is boarded. The space is so rarely used, and with the ship as short staffed as it is, rarely well maintained. Dozens of machines there are designed for long range communication, and any number of them could’ve broken and started broadcasting.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Like the cargo bay, Soundwave dislikes this part of the ship. It’s a remnant of the heyday of the war, a time of epic, planet wide battles instead of an endless slog of petty skirmishes. If Soundwave were superstitious, he would call the area creepy. As it is, the lack of any living spark besides himself is enough to unsettle.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Just outside the heavy door to the emergency command center, Soundwave stops. Dread rises in him. He can hear voices through the door.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“-trying to recruit him was a bad idea.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave stops short at the voice. Optimus Prime. He casts a quick look around the corridor, and finding it abandoned, he leans in closer, listening as hard as he can.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Spare me, Prime,” Starscream says, and in spite of the horrible sinking feeling he has, Soundwave can imagine the way he’s rolling his eyes. “I have everything under control. He won’t betray me. He’s in too deep.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There’s a noise that Soundwave thinks might be Optimus humming thoughtfully. He feels like he’s watching a train wreck, helpless to stop the destruction.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you sure </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> aren’t in too deep, my friend?” Optimus asks. He sounds concerned. Soundwave’s hands shake.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I-” The quiet stretches for some time before Starscream speaks again. “No, no. I have it under control.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Starscream-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If we’re going to work together,” Starscream says, a sneer entering his voice, “you’re going to have to start trusting my decisions as a leader. I’m not one of your subordinates.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course,” Optimus says. “I’m sorry.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hm. I’ll keep you posted. Starscream out.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The room goes quiet.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave stands rooted to the spot, and he feels hot and cold all over. Shaking and weak. Sick. He doesn’t want to believe it. He must still be asleep, he’s having a nightmare and if he just wakes up, he’ll be next to Starscream, and Starscream will still be someone he can rely on.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave enters the room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They stare at each other. Fear blows Starscream’s eyes wide and freezes him, half turned from the controls and a giant screen where Prime’s face must’ve been seconds before. One of his hands hovers over the blinking controls. He looks every inch guilty, waiting to see what Soundwave will do. Soundwave struggles to breathe. The door sliding shut behind him sounds deafening in the stillness.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I was going to tell you,” Starscream whispers.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Something breaks inside Soundwave. Rage burns through his lines. He unfurls his cables, intending to grab Starscream and shake him, demand to know what’s going on. Starscream aims his missile at him, index finger pointing directly at Soundwave’s face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Now Soundwave’s the one frozen in place with his cables outstretched. Disbelief is almost enough to quench the rage he’s feeling.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You weren’t supposed to find out like this,” Starscream says.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Find out what?” Soundwave hates the way his voice shakes. “That you’ve been an Autobot this whole time?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Starscream’s lips curl in disgust. “I’ve always been a Decepticon.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave laughs at him. Nothing’s funny, and it hurts, but he can’t seem to stop. He bites down on his glossa to stop the hysterical noises boiling out of him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t believe you,” he says, and clenches his jaw against another bubble of laughter.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It doesn’t matter,” Starscream says. “It’s the truth.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A thousand questions clamor for attention in Soundwave’s mind. What are you doing? How long has this been going on? Why does Optimus consider you a friend? Did you mean any of it?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He asks the one that feels the most relevant.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you going to kill me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Starscream’s hesitation speaks volumes, and Soundwave’s knees feel like they’re going to give out. He wants to wake up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t want to,” Starscream says, “but I will if I have to.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Terror and rage shudder down Soundwave’s spine. If Starscream decides to shoot him, he’s dead. At this range, even if he’s fast enough to dodge the missile itself, the heat and shrapnel of the explosion will still kill him, assuming the shock wave doesn’t turn his insides into scrap metal first.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I hate you,” Soundwave says. He can’t tell if he means it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Starscream flinches, but his missile arm doesn’t waver. “This is bigger than you or me. It’s about protecting our species.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You could have </span>
  <em>
    <span>told</span>
  </em>
  <span> me,” Soundwave says desperately.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Starscream barks a short, humorless laugh. “My dear Soundwave, if I’d told you about the extent of this when we first started this endeavor, you would have killed me yourself.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He cocks his head a little, considering. “Well,” he amends, “you would have dragged me to Megatron so he could kill me. You never did like getting your hands dirty.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave flinches. He’s right, and it hurts, and Soundwave hates himself for having given Starscream the power to know him and hurt him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I hate you,” Soundwave says again, like repeating it enough times will turn those feelings outward instead of in.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Starscream rolls his eyes. “Come on, what would you have done in my position? You were Megatron’s most loyal soldier. You couldn’t see what he was doing to us, and I needed you if this was going to work.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is that all I am to you?” Soundwave asks. “An asset? Did you mean any of it?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A crack shows in Starscream’s cool, in control facade as shame crosses his face. He looks away, and for just a second, the missile wavers. It steadies before Soundwave can do anything about it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“At first,” he says. “At first you were just a means to an end, but Primus, Soundwave, I’m sorry.” He looks back at Soundwave, expression contorted by agonizing guilt. “I never should’ve let it go so far. I never should’ve hurt you like that. I was trying to-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He breaks off with a frustrated noise and glares at the ground. “No. It doesn’t matter. I hurt you, and that’s all that matters. My intentions and feelings about it don’t matter. Moving forward, I’ll keep my distance-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wait,” Soundwave interrupts, “what do you mean ‘moving forward?’”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Starscream winces. “We don’t have many options here,” he says. “Either we keep working together and see this through or.” He waves his arm and the missile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave glares at him through the mask and hopes Starscream can feel it burning him. The uncomfortable expression on his face makes Soundwave think he does.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why should I keep working with you after this?” Soundwave asks, trying not to sound petulant. He’s not sure he succeeds.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Because I can’t do it on my own,” Starscream says. “For all the things I lied about, this never was one. You’re the only reason this is happening. Without you, nothing changes. We stay in this endless war, and more mechs will die.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t have to like me,” Starscream continues. “You don’t have to see me or interact with me beyond this mission if you don’t want to, but you’ve always done what you’ve thought is right before, and you value life.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave eyes the missile. He certainly values his own life, if nothing else. Slowly, he withdraws his cables from where they’ve been hovering in the air between them. Starscream keeps his optics trained on them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You also swore you’d stand by me,” Starscream says after several dragging moments of quiet. “No matter what.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave’s anger, which had less started to fade and more started to take a backseat to more complex issues, rushes to the front of his mind again, tinged with embarrassment. “That was different.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You still promised.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay,” Soundwave says. “Say I uphold my promise and you don’t kill me. What’s stopping me from turning around and telling Megatron once your back is turned?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nothing,” Starscream says. “I’d have no way to stop you. You could tell Megatron, and he would kill me, and things would go back to how they were. But he would never trust you again, and without me as a buffer to his temper, you would catch the full force of it. He’ll hurt you again”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Some unidentifiable emotion enters his voice at the last sentence. Worry, maybe, even fear. Soundwave resents it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t know that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t,” Starscream agrees. “I don’t know anything that’s going to happen in the next few minutes. I’m trusting you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave’s spark feels brittle. “That’s not fair.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What in our lives has been?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck.” Soundwave lets out a vent he hadn’t realized he was holding. “Just answer me one thing.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Anything,” Starscream says quickly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Did you know Rumble and Frenzy would die on that mission?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Starscream flinches like he’s been struck, and he drops his missile arm. He looks grief stricken, and Soundwave thinks hitting him would’ve been kinder.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No.” Starscream’s voice is a rasp. “Primus, no. If I had, I never would’ve let them leave, any of them, believe me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave snorts. “If I didn’t believe you, I would kill you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I would deserve it,” Starscream says, “if that were the case.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave studies him. He looks equal parts miserable, guilty, and defiant. His wings are held wide, not low enough to be relaxed and not high enough to be fear. An invitation for Soundwave to judge him, in contrast with his arms crossed defensively. There’s something else in his optics too, Soundwave thinks. A kind of quiet relief and not having to run and hide anymore, even if it’s just to one person.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay,” Soundwave says. “I’ll keep helping you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Really?” Starscream sounds surprised.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I promised,” Soundwave says, “and I’m not you. I keep my word.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Starscream’s lips twitch into a frown. “I-” He hesitates. “Thank you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t,” Soundwave says. “I’ve still got some questions.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course.” Now that he’s not threatening to shoot Soundwave, the tension bleeds out of Starscream’s frame bit by bit. The angle of his wings drops into something more genuinely relaxed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How long have you been a traitor?” Soundwave asks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s complicated,” Starscream says, ignoring the incredulous tilt of Soundwave’s head. “Don’t give me that look, everything’s complicated in this war.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave waves his hand in an impatient ‘go on’ gesture.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“When I first joined the Decepticons,” Starscream says, “Optimus had already tried to recruit me, and he thought he was successful. As far as any Autobot knew, I was going over to infiltrate Decepticon high command and start filtering information back to them. Instead, I told Megatron everything. We decided the best thing to do was to keep up the act. I fed just enough good information to the Autobots that they never got suspicious of all the false leads, and I kept giving Megatron information about the Autobots.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave shakes his head. “That doesn’t make sense.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That was the straight forward part.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, I mean.” Soundwave takes a deep breath. “Megatron would’ve told me if you were a spy.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Starscream hums noncommittally. “Ironic thing is, I was the one pushing to tell you about our scheming. Your skills would’ve been useful.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>For a second, Soundwave feels like he’s peering into a parallel universe, one where the three of them worked together to defeat the Autobots. One where his family is alive and whole, and Starscream is happy with his trine. Grief surges through him, and he shuts down that train of thought. There’s no point thinking about what if’s and could’ve been’s now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What changed?” Soundwave asks, voice barely above a whisper.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thundercracker died,” Starscream says simply. “Megatron sent us on that scouting mission as punishment for something I’d done, and I was so </span>
  <em>
    <span>angry</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I wasn’t paying attention, I wasn’t taking care of them, and-” he breaks off and sucks in a sharp breath. “His vents clogged with organic muck and he overheated catastrophically. It was slow and horrible, and all I could do was hold him through it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Starscream glares at Soundwave, daring him to say something. Soundwave says nothing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Two million years of war, and we were no closer to victory, and my trinemate dead for petty revenge.” Starscream’s voice is ragged with old loss and rage. “I couldn’t take it anymore, so I told Jazz and Optimus everything.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You told Jazz?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He was my handler,” Starscream says. “We were friends, I think, before I came clean.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How’d he take it?” Soundwave asks, suspecting he already knows the answer.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, he tried to kill me, of course,” Starscream says. “Optimus stopped him. We talked, and they agreed with my plan. Kill Megatron to get me in charge, sue for peace, end the war.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And this was two million years ago?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not very good at your jobs, are you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Starscream glares at him. “You of all people should know how difficult Megatron is to defeat and how soft sparked Optimus Prime is.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave bristles but changes the subject. “So you decided you needed me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s not a question, but Starscream nods anyway. “While we were working together, just the two of us. Optimus was against it, but I liked working with you. I wanted you as a friend, not an enemy.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Friend, not ally.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave’s spark feels brittle again. “I’m not your friend. Your ally, but never your friend.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know,” Starscream whispers.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave reports back to the bridge and plugs his cables into the computer. He’s been gone less than an hour. Less than a day since Starscream seduced him, but it feels like a lifetime ago.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Soundwave,” Megatron says, closer than he expected, “report.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In a lower voice, meant just for the two of them, he adds, “Did you run into any trouble?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave shakes his head and cobbles together a response. “Emergency-- bridge-- long range communications-- damaged. Several-- repairs needed.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Very well,” Megatron says. “Are you alright? You seem tired.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Poor recharge,” Soundwave says in Knockout’s voice. “Restless.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Megatron has moved close enough that Soundwave can feel the radiant heat from his plating. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Back in the pits of Kaon, casual affectionate gestures were a sign of weakness at best and a target on your back at worst. Close relationships had been discouraged by the Towerlings who paid for sponsorships, to stop mechs from throwing fights in favor of those they loved and losing people money. Soundwave had seen mechs thrown into fights that were glorified executions after being caught in romantic trysts.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The way Megatron stands now, close but not touching, presenting a united front, is an old habit from that environment. No Towerling would read the affection there.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>For Soundwave, the warmth and comfort in the gesture has long since left, but for now, as a slip of a shadow in Megatron’s bulk, he allows himself to pretend. He leans back a fraction into the non-embrace.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>By the time Soundwave returns to his hab, he can barely stand up for the exhaustion weighing him down. The door swishes closed, and he leans against it and shutters his optics. When he opens them, he’s surprised that his hab looks the same as it always has. So much has changed in the last several weeks, he has changed so much, surely there must be some evidence of that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave’s gaze lands on the datapad Starscream had scribbled his note on this morning, and the simmering </span>
  <em>
    <span>betrayal</span>
  </em>
  <span> boils over. He storms over and throws it against the wall with all his might. The screen shatters, and it clatters down on the table of Rumble and Frenzy’s things.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His knees give out like his hydraulics have broken, and he sits down hard on the floor next to his berth. He wraps his arms around Laserbeak, nestled in his chest, and curls himself around her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In the privacy of his hab, Soundwave weeps.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Attrition</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Soundwave adapts.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>Attrition /ə-ˈtri-shən/</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>(noun) 1. The act of wearing or grinding down by friction</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>(noun) 2. The act of weakening or exhausting by constant harassment, abuse, or attack</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>(noun) 3. A reduction in numbers usually as a result of resignation, retirement, or death</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave wakes up alone. His fingers fumble their way through the berth covers, seeking the heat of another frame. A deep, aching sadness pierces without a source through the haze of recharge in his processor, and he rolls onto his back, straining to find something in the berth. He curls his fingers around the edge of the berth.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Memories of Starscream’s betrayal rush in, and with them comes the rage. Soundwave snaps awake and sits up, systems gearing up for a fight that isn’t happening.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Across their bond, Laserbeak radiates concern and under that, fear. Soundwave forces himself to take deep, steady vents and shut down his combat systems one by one. The bond is open enough that Soundwave can tell she’s on patrol by the phantom feeling of wind on wings, and he focuses on that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>More memories of last night come trickling in. Laserbeak coaxing him up off the floor, physically nudging him towards his emergency energon, and cooing and nuzzling until he’d finished a cube. Her guiding him through pulling off the old berth covers, the ones that smelled like Starscream, and bundling them both up under new ones.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Shame burns in Soundwave’s lines. She shouldn’t have had to take care of him like that. His job is to take care of her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He lays back down and stares at the ceiling, focusing on keeping his vents slow and steady. With each vent, he forces down the riot of ugly emotions churning in him, trying to find that place of stoic calm in the void hurt and fury leave. All he feels is a loneliness so spark deep it hurts. Soundwave presses a hand to his chest plates like he can relieve the ache. He presses so hard his transformation seams and wrist joints start to groan in protest.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When he drops his arm back to his side, he tells himself the dull, residual pain is better than the loneliness it covers. He gets up and prepares to go to the bridge.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As Starscream had predicted what feels like a lifetime ago, new rumors about Soundwave’s old jaw injury are flying around the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Nemesis</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Soundwave hasn’t heard any of them himself, but Laserbeak has relayed snatches of conversation to him. The near universal shock that Soundwave suggested peace and sympathy that he was attacked for it almost makes up for the stares he feels following him everywhere and the hushed conversations that fall as he approaches and rise up again in his wake.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He catches Breakdown staring at him as he stops in the mess, looking as intent and thoughtful as Soundwave’s ever seen the big mech. Soundwave stares back. Breakdown looks flustered at having been caught, but he rocks back and forth on his feet, fingers tangling together nervously like he can’t figure out what to do. After a moment, he gives Soundwave something that might pass as an attempt at a salute and hurries out like he can feel Soundwave’s gaze on him still.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave tries not to feel disappointed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave listens to Megatron talk. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Listens is a strong word, perhaps. Soundwave’s mind keeps wandering, and while ideally he’d like to stop his thoughts from drifting too close to Starscream, it’s proving difficult at the moment. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave’s scans had revealed a massive energon deposit buried under thousands of tons of ice and rock at Earth’s north pole, and apparently before he’d arrived on the bridge, Starscream had suggested to Megatron that melting their way through the ice to bedrock was the best way to get to that deposit. In a rare flash, Megatron’s fully on board with the idea, and Starscream’s already hidden himself away in the lab to draw up blueprints.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As Megatron talks through the finer points of his plan, Soundwave watches him with a detached sort of resentment, trying to parse when his friend had turned into the stranger sitting next to him. Four million years he’d lied to Soundwave about Starscream. What else had he lied about? Their entire friendship couldn’t have been faked, that was- there wouldn’t have been a </span>
  <em>
    <span>point</span>
  </em>
  <span>-</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The Autobots will find us eventually, of course,” Megatron says, cutting through Soundwave’s rising panic. “We’ll need you to scramble the signal of whatever device Starscream creates. Maybe if we get lucky one or two of them will freeze in the pursuit.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Starscream comms him, and Soundwave curses his timing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>::Tomorrow, two hours into my off shift. The usual spot.::</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Soundwave?” Megatron says. Soundwave curses internally. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Apologies, Lord Megatron,” he says in Shockwave’s voice. “Logistics-- complicated.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Surely this isn’t beyond your abilities.” Megatron raises a skeptical eyebrow, and Soundwave’s professional pride flares with indignation.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Complicated-- not impossible,” he says. He pings Starscream a confirmation. “Use of-- human-- satellites-- required.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do whatever it takes,” Megatron says. “I expect results.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave bows his head. The subject changes to off planet troop movements, and Soundwave tells himself he’s glad Starscream hasn’t commed him again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No one saw you heading down here?” Starscream asks when Soundwave emerges from the maze of shelves into their hidden corner of the cargo bay.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No,” Soundwave says tersely. He can’t identify the expression that flits across Starscream’s face, preoccupied as he his with trying and failing not to look at him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Long day?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t,” Soundwave snaps.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry,” Starscream says, and he actually sounds apologetic. “To business then. Take a seat?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll stand,” Soundwave says, not quite able to stop a sneer from entering his voice. A soft pulse of reproach comes from Laserbeak, docked and sleepy on his chest, and he suppresses a sigh. She’s right, of course. He can be polite to Starscream. “Thanks.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Surprise flits across Starscream’s face, and his lips twitch into something that might be a smile, before turning serious. He starts to pace, hands clasped back, winglet’s twitching with nervous energy. Soundwave wishes he couldn’t read him so well.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t mention it,” Starscream says, and Soundwave has to bite his glossa against a dozen caustic comments.  “Anyway, we have an opportunity of sorts coming up. Megatron has instructed me to take Knock Out, Breakdown, and a squadron of Vehicons to the ground in the event the Autobots show up at our operation at the pole. We both know that he’ll join us if Optimus Prime is there, and I can guarantee that-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So this is you baiting him into a trap,” Soundwave interrupts. “I would’ve appreciated some warning.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Apologies,” Starscream says, frowning. He opens his mouth like he’s going to say something else, then seems to think better of it and closes it again. Disappointment flickers through Soundwave, though he’s not sure he could articulate why, even to himself.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes,” Starscream continues, “this is one of my mad schemes, though not in the way you think. Megatron will be entirely unharmed besides whatever battle damage Prime manages to inflict.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So what’s the point of wasting all these resources?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I have a list of materials I need you to steal from the med bay after Megatron leaves,” Starscream says. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave’s comm pings with the arrival of a new file. He opens it and scrolls through the list. He’s not a chemist, and he’s certainly not a medic, but he recognizes a couple powerful tranquilizers.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“All of this for some breaking and entering?” Soundwave asks, voice heavy with skepticism.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not entirely,” Starscream says. “It’s another way to keep Megatron distracted. If he gets too bored, he’ll start trying to find the Autobot’s base again, or start trying to pick them off one by one. I’m trying to keep casualties at zero.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave starts to nod, but then remembers-</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You killed Cliffjumper.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Starscream winces. “He was already dying,” he says. “From the explosion. And I wasn’t going to hand him over to be Knock Out’s plaything. There was no way for me to get him back to the Autobots, not with you keeping such a close eye on me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you saying it’s my fault?” Soundwave asks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t be daft,” Starscream snaps, then more seriously. “My actions are mine, and I’ll take the consequences as they come.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave gets the feeling they’re not talking about Cliffjumper anymore. Feeling wrong footed, he switches subjects. “Is that all you wanted to discuss?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“For now,” Starscream says, and some of the tension eases out of his posture. “I’ll give Prime a signal for when to interrupt the mission, and after Megatron leaves the bridge, you’ll have to grab everything on that list, and quickly.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s it all do?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Starscream hums. “It’ll keep him in stasis while showing up on medical scans as an infection. With luck, I can have it finished within a day of this fight. It’ll seem like a natural infection of whatever blows Optimus manages to land.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Will that work?” Fear and anticipation curl in Soundwave’s tanks. He doesn’t know what answer he wants to hear.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It has to,” Starscream says. “I think-” A faraway look enters his optics, and his frown deepens. “I think we’re running out of time.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What makes you say that?” Soundwave asks, keeping his voice calm against the dread solidifying in his tanks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know.” Starscream’s eyes take on a hunted look, and he turns to Soundwave. “You know what I’m talking about, right? You can feel it too.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave wants to deny it, but here, surrounded by the belongings of long dead mechs and equipment broken for thousands of years, he finds he can’t. Maybe it’s the way stress has been making him clench his jaw, but he feels a phantom ache where Megatron hit him. Somewhere, there’s a countdown clock Soundwave can’t see, ticking down an unknown number of seconds to an event he can’t begin to prepare for.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Too many variables,” he mutters.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What was that?” Starscream asks, not unkindly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know what you mean,” Soundwave says at regular volume. “There’s too many variables. We’re not prepared.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The look Starscream turns on him is searching, optics roving over Soundwave’s masked face. With a small jolt, Soundwave realizes Starscream looked at him like that before they kissed for the first time. He hates himself for the want that surges in him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I won’t let him hurt you,” Starscream says softly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The combination of bitterness, self loathing, and longing makes Soundwave nauseous, so he focuses on anger instead, the welcoming ease of it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t want or need your protection.” He can’t keep the snarl out of his voice. “Are we done here?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I-” Starscream’s not fast enough to stop the hurt from flitting across his features. “Yes. You can go.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave spins on his heel and stalks out the way he came in. Each step he takes drains the anger out of him until he’s left with that same all encompassing loneliness from yesterday. He stops and leans against a shelf, like he’s carrying a physical weight. Laserbeak disengages and flies up to land on his shoulder, chirring worry and pulsing love and warmth through their bond. He lets out a shaky vent and reaches up to pet her wing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know,” Soundwave says. “I love you too. I’ll be okay.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He pushes off the shelf. Best get back to the bridge before his presence is missed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave spends the next three days working on the issue of the human’s satellites. Starscream doesn’t comm, and he tells himself he’s grateful for it. He wants the privacy, the time to think.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His vocalizer aches from disuse.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave looks up from where he’s doing maintenance on Laserbeak to the door, and, unfortunately, to Starscream. Laserbeak is in temporary stasis while he cleans and polishes some of her more delicate components damaged by Earth’s atmosphere, and Soundwave unfurls his cables in protective instinct. Starscream eyes them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Easy,” Starscream says. “I brought fuel.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t want any,” Soundwave says. “Has something come up?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Starscream’s hesitation is all the answer he needs. “No, but-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Then leave me alone.” He turns back to Laserbeak, nudging a tiny gear back into place with the filaments on the end of one cable.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I will, I swear,” Starscream says, voice shifting to a higher register. “I just wanted to make sure you’re refueling.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m fine,” Soundwave says. “Go away.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Technically, he </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> fine. He hasn’t dipped below a quarter tank this whole time, because dipping that low would start affecting Laserbeak. Granted, he hasn’t gotten much above a half tank either, but it’s fine. He hasn’t done anything but mess around with different computers and communication systems anyway, he doesn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>need</span>
  </em>
  <span> that much fuel. He’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>fine</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Starscream sets down the cube, right in Soundwave’s peripheral vision, and he’s glad for the way the mask hides his hungry eyes on it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I said I’m fine,” Soundwave says.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Then save it for later!” Starscream’s voice slips higher still, bleeding anxiety all over the place. “I know you don’t refuel enough when you’re stressed, and it’s my fault you’re-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t take your guilt out on me,” Soundwave says, warning in his voice. “Leave me alone.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I will, I just-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave sees talons reach for him out of the corner of his optics, and maybe it’s the stress, maybe he is hungry, maybe he just wants Starscream to leave him the fuck alone, but the result is the same. He jerks away from the incoming touch and stands up, cables flaring.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Back off-- Starscream!” Megatron’s voice spits out of him like blaster fire.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Starscream cowers back, one arm instinctively coming up to cover his face. He stumbles, wings flaring out to catch himself. His optics are bright with fear that Soundwave put there. Instant regret seizes his spark.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” Starscream says. He straightens up a little, arm dropping back to his side. His voice is softer, low and soothing, like Soundwave’s the one who’s scared. Soundwave wants to say he’s the one who should apologize, he knows he went too far, but the words stick in his mouth like too sweet candy, fusing his teeth together and leaving him choking.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll go.” Starscream says, and Soundwave feels like he’s watching from a screen as he turns and leaves. At the door, Starscream pauses and says, “Just take care of yourself, okay?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave sits back down, guilt a physical weight on his back. He picks up his polishing cloth and gets back to work, polishing parts and meticulously replacing them. He checks his fuel levels and glances at the cube. With a grimace, he takes his mask off and drinks.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Provenance</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Soundwave meets an old friend.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>Provenance /ˈpräv-nən(t)s, ˈprä-və-ˌnän(t)s/</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>(noun) 1. Origin, source</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>(noun) 2. The history of ownership of a valued object or work of art or literature</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>After thirty seven hours and fifty three minutes of radio silence, Soundwave gets a comm from Starscream.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>::I’m going to report to Optimus tomorrow. In person, since clearly reporting from the Nemesis is unsafe.::</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Starscream’s voice is cool and detached, professional like nothing has ever happened between them. Soundwave barely pauses in his work on the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Nemesis’</span>
  </em>
  <span> computer despite the cool wash of relief over him. Through the bridge’s security feed, he sees Starscream and Knockout talking with each other, Megatron a third point in their triangle, watching and looking bored.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>::Why are you telling me this?::</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>::I’m asking you if you want to come with me.::</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave shutters his optics against his HUD and listens to the pinging of the comm system.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>::I know you two were friends, before the war.::</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>::He won’t say it outright, but I think he wants to see you.::</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>::Soundwave?::</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>::Nevermind. Sorry for bothering you. I’ll let you know when I’m back, so we can go over what-::</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>::I’ll come with you.::</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>::What?::</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>::I want to go with you to see Optimus.::</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>::Okay. We leave an hour before sunset.::</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>::Okay.::</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave nearly turns back three times on the flight there. He hasn’t seen Optimus outside a battle since the last disastrous peace talks, and they hadn’t exactly spoken to each other, in as much as Soundwave spoke to anyone back then. Knowing what he knows now, he wonders if those attempts at peace had always been doomed to fail, subject to the whims of Starscream and his plots.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He glances at Starscream, flying ahead and slightly to the left of him, providing an updraft for him to coast on, and thinks of the remorse in his voice when he talked about Cliffjumper. The lack of casualties in the three years he was in charge. All at once, he feels guilty for even thinking that of Starscream.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>::We’re nearly there,::</span>
  </em>
  <span> Starscream says over the comms. </span>
  <em>
    <span>::Optimus says we have to land carefully.::</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>::Why?::</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>::Something about the ground not being entirely stable.::</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave waits for Starscream to point out the obvious, and when he doesn’t, asks, </span>
  <em>
    <span>::And you’re sure this isn’t a trap?::</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>::If Optimus was going to kill me,:: </span>
  </em>
  <span>Starscream says, grim and resolute, </span>
  <em>
    <span>::he would’ve done it two million years ago when I showed my true colors. Look, that must be it up ahead.::</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Starscream turns slightly to the left, and Soundwave follows suit. The thing that’s caught Starscream’s attention is difficult to make out, confusing Soundwave’s senses. It looks as though a chunk of desert several dozen square miles has been replaced with a mirror. At first Soundwave thinks it’s water, but as they start their descent, he realizes it’s far too still and smooth for that. He and Starscream glide low, two dark smudges gliding over reflections of the sky, just beginning to be streaked with pink and gold.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When they touch down, Soundwave’s surprised when the barest amount of water does splash up, sending little ripples through the clouds and mirror images of the two of them. In spite of himself, Soundwave crouches down and examines the surface, trailing his fingers through the slurry of minerals and water lapping at his pedes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What is this?” he asks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“The humans call it a salt flat,” Starscream says, and Soundwave watches his reflections shrug. “Pretty self explanatory.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave stands up and looks around. The sun hovers gold over a small ridge of mountains at one edge of the salt flat, but with the thin layer of water on top, the rest of the area is so perfectly flat that Soundwave can’t tell where land ends and sky begins. He and Starscream have entered a bubble of endless deep blue sky. At his feet, Starscream’s reflection lights up gold in the setting sun.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s beautiful,” Soundwave says. He can’t see Starscream’s face in the reflection, the detail isn’t that clear, but he thinks he’s about to say something.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They’re interrupted by a ground bridge opening, a lurid green streak in their bubble, and Optimus Prime steps out. As the ground bridge closes, Soundwave feels like it’s taking all the air with it. In his chest, Laserbeak buzzes with nervous excitement. Optimus stands close enough that Soundwave sees the moment he registers that Starscream isn’t alone. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Starscream,” Optimus says, eyes narrowed and not moving from Soundwave, “what is the meaning of this?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Soundwave caught me,” Starscream says, not sounding remotely apologetic or concerned about the whole thing, “but I was right. He’s in too deep, so our plans are unchanged.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave considers punching Starscream. Judging by the look on his face, Optimus seems to be considering the same.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Tell me everything,” he says, and Starscream tells him how Soundwave overheard them talking and the ensuing confrontation. Soundwave tunes them out. He can’t stop staring at Optimus’ face. He hasn’t seen his face without the battle mask since he first became Prime, and without it, he looks so much like Orion Pax that it hurts. The whole time Starscream speaks, Optimus keeps his eyes on him, ignoring Soundwave until he feels like an ugly, dark smear in this painting they’ve found themselves in. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well,” Optimus says when Starscream’s finished, and finally, finally, he looks at Soundwave. “It appears we owe you a great deal, though I shouldn’t be so surprised. Your loyalty and dedication to doing the right thing have always been the qualities I admired most about you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His optics are warm, softly glowing against a sky starting to blaze red all around them. Even with four million years of failed peace talks and being on opposite sides of a war, all the hardships they’ve caused each other, affection for Soundwave shines in Optimus’ optics. Almost without meaning to, Soundwave takes a stumbling half step towards him. His throat feels too tight to speak.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I miss you,” he chokes out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Surprise flits across Optimus’ face, only to be replaced by an unbearable softness. “I’ve missed you too, my old friend,” he says. “Forgive me, Starscream didn’t tell me you had broken your vow of silence.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave glances at Starscream, hunched over and defensive. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” Starscream huffs. “You trusted </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span> with your voice. He didn’t need to know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s petulant, probably, that selfishness. Dangerous even, if Starscream withholds important information on a whim, but that doesn’t stop Soundwave’s spark from giving a skip-lurch in his chest. Angry as he’s been, angry as he </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span>, there’s still a part of him that revels in Starscream treasuring some part of him above his mission. Soundwave looks away, worried that somehow, through the mask, Starscream will see him smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I did after-” Soundwave hesitates. He doesn’t know if Starscream told Optimus about Megatron hitting him, and he doesn’t really want to get into it now if he hasn’t. “After he recruited me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Optimus nods. “It’s good to hear your voice after all this time. I’d feared I would never hear it again.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Simple, uncomplicated happiness sings across from Laserbeak, and she launches herself at Optimus. He barely has time to react to her presence before she’s spiralling tight circles around his frame, head to ankles to head again. When she lands on his proffered arm, dizziness pelts Soundwave, and combined with Optimus’ stunned but pleased little smile, it’s enough to make him laugh in spite of himself.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ve missed you too,” Optimus tells Laserbeak, so sincerely that Soundwave doesn’t doubt him for a second.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I did call this meeting for a reason, you know,” Starscream says drily. Apparently at his daily limit of sentimentality. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course,” Optimus says. “You mentioned a plan in your message.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His tone is respectful, but it’s undercut by a sense of deep exhaustion that Soundwave can empathize with. It’s the sort of weariness that can only come from two million years of failure and stalemate.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave watches and listens as Starscream relays the plan. Most of it is familiar to him, and the discussions of what Optimus should do with his team have no bearing on Soundwave’s movements in all this. It doesn’t matter to him if Prime sends an initial patrol, or leads that patrol, or comes with all his meager forces to the Arctic. He feels like an outsider, watching them, especially Starscream. Standing tall and confident, he looks regal and commanding, every inch a leader.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How long after this until we can begin peace talks?” Optimus asks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A couple days, I should think,” Starscream says. “It’s been a while since I worked in a lab, but I can whip up a fake infection easily enough. Once we have Knock Out on our side, things will be running smoothly enough on the Nemesis for me to declare an official ceasefire.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave’s spark stalls in his chest. So soon. He thought he would have more time. Until now, none of it had seemed quite real, a far off, abstract thing, but here it is, staring him in the face. In a matter of days, a week at most, he will be responsible for putting his oldest friend in a coma to end a war he helped start. Panic surges in him, and he fights to keep himself in check. He forces his vents to stay calm and even as his processor screams at him to run and fly from the guilt and doubt threatening to choke him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Soundwave?” Starscream’s voice breaks through his sudden terror. Soundwave looks at him and his eyes burning red with concern. The stars are coming out in the midnight blue sky that frames him. Over the comms, he asks, </span>
  <em>
    <span>::Are you okay?::</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>::I’m fine.::</span>
  </em>
  <span> It’ll be true enough eventually. Out loud, Soundwave says, “Apologies. It’s growing late, and there’s only so long we can be gone before our absence will be noticed.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It’s not a lie, technically. They have been gone a while, and if mechs haven’t noticed by now, they certainly will have by the time they get back. It’s just not the reason Soundwave feels sick with self doubt.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Starscream glances around like he’s just noticed how dark their little bubble has gotten. The western sky barely clings to red and purple light, and Soundwave’s reflection is almost invisible against the dark sky. Only the soft purple of his biolights and the voids from blocked out stars show his presence.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re right,” Starscream says. “We should be off.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course,” Optimus says, and Laserbeak glides back to land on Soundwave’s shoulder. “I expect I’ll see you in a couple days.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I expect you will,” Starscream says with a trace of amusement in his voice. Rather than saying any sort of proper goodbye, he leaps into the air, transforms, and takes off, flying back in the general direction of the </span>
  <em>
    <span>Nemesis</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Laserbeak takes off after him like a wisp of smoke. Soundwave glances at the two of them, then back at Optimus, who seems somehow amused.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I-” Soundwave sucks in a sharp breath. There’s so much he could say, so much he wants to ask. “Stay safe.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Optimus smiles. “You too. And keep him safe as well.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Heat flushes through Soundwave’s lines, but he nods anyway. Before he can overthink it too much, he leaps into the air after Starscream. He catches up to the two of them easily, settling between them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>::So,::</span>
  </em>
  <span> Starscream prompts.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>::So,:: </span>
  </em>
  <span>Soundwave echoes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>::What did you think of Optimus?::</span>
  </em>
  <span> Starscream asks, and if a jet could roll its optics, Soundwave knows he would be.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>::Professionally, you two work well together, and I know he’s a good leader,::</span>
  </em>
  <span> Soundwave says after a pause. </span>
  <em>
    <span>::With Megatron out of the equation, I think this will work. Peace.::</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>::And personally?::</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave hesitates again. </span>
  <em>
    <span>::I don’t know. It’s been so long, and we’ve hurt each other so much. I don’t know if there’s a friendship left to repair.::</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>::He misses you, and you miss him.::</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>::It’s a start,:: </span>
  </em>
  <span>Soundwave concedes. They fly in a silence that’s almost companionable. It feels like before, like Starscream never betrayed him. Maybe, if he can fix his relationship with Optimus, maybe he can fix this one too.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They’re in sight of the Nemesis by the time Starscream speaks again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>::There’s still a couple things I want to run by you,::</span>
  </em>
  <span> he says, sounding nervous. </span>
  <em>
    <span>::If you want, we could grab a cube and talk about them?::</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave recognizes a truce when he sees it, and he wants it so badly it’s like his spark is breaking all over again. To his left, he feels a pulse of encouragement from Laserbeak. She can’t hear their conversation, but Soundwave realizes with some embarrassment that he’s been projecting his emotions pretty strongly. He pulses back an apology, and she responds with a phantom laugh.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>::That sounds nice,::</span>
  </em>
  <span> Soundwave says as they fly into the cargo bay, their own little corner of the labyrinth. They land in root mode, and Laserbeak flies past their heads. Starscream smiles at him, tentative and hopeful, and turns to the door controls.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Terror sinks like a needle into Soundwave’s spark. The icy familiarity of it is almost enough to drop him. He spins, cables unfurling, optics drawn to Laserbeak before the rest of his processor can figure out where she is.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>For a series of spark pulses, fear makes him stupid and slow, his processor only grabbing fragments of information through the haze. A flash of a wing. Curled silver claws. Blazing red optics. Soundwave blinks hard, once, twice, trying to force the pieces to make sense.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Soundwave what- oh.” The cargo bay door closes with a hollow boom. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Soundwave can’t see what face accompanies the careful neutrality in Starscream’s voice. He can’t tear his gaze from Laserbeak, caught fast in Megatron’s fist.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Vital</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Things fall apart.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> Vital /ˈvīdl/ </em>
</p>
<p> <em> (adjective) 1. Absolutely necessary or important; essential </em></p>
<p> <em> (adj) 2. Full of energy, lively </em></p>
<p> <em> (adj) 3. (archaic) Fatal </em></p>
<p> <em> (noun) 1. The body’s important internal organs </em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>Laserbeak’s terror batters across the bond like a physical blow, a <em> help me help me help me </em> loud as an audible scream. Her wings flutter against the hand holding her in place, and she makes a whistling noise like steam escaping a kettle. Unthinking, Soundwave starts towards her.</p>
<p>Megatron’s fingers tighten almost imperceptibly, quieting Laserbeak, and Soundwave freezes. A hand, Starscream’s, he thinks dully, grabs his arm and pulls him back. He allows himself to be dragged, but already a howling fury is cutting through Soundwave’s gibbering panic.</p>
<p>How dare he. How dare Megatron even <em> think </em> of hurting Laserbeak. He’s going to kill him, he’s going to <em> tear him apart. </em></p>
<p>Megatron’s voice cuts through the fog in his mind. “I expect this sort of thing from Starscream, but you?” Red optics pin Soundwave easily as an arm across the neck. “You disappoint me.”</p>
<p>The fury builds, and only fear for Laserbeak keeps Soundwave rooted to the spot. Under the mask, he bears his denta.</p>
<p>Behind Megatron, in the hulking shadows of shelves and broken down drilling machines, the old energon cubes from the narrow corridor lay like corpses after a battle. Clearly they’d worked to slow him down, but without Starscream and Soundwave to hear the racket, they’d been useless.</p>
<p>“Lord Megatron!” Starscream’s voice cracks up an octave. “We were just on patrol, I swear! I don’t know what-”</p>
<p>“Silence!” Megatron snarls. “Did you think you could hide from me? Missing security footage, sudden incompetence, sending messages from inside my own ship!” His eyes narrow. “You’ve gotten sloppy.”</p>
<p>Silence rings, broken only by the staccato pounding of Soundwave’s spark in his audials. Starscream’s hand on his arm drops away, and he takes three defiant steps towards Megatron. The veneer of cowering and groveling falls away as if it never existed. He stands tall and confident, and the look on his face takes Soundwave’s breath away. </p>
<p>Hatred is an old friend of Soundwave’s. Its burn sheltered him in the Pits, helped him protect his family. It taught him how to eat, how to breathe, how to think after he got his mask. His hatred of the Towerlings and the Senate helped him claw his way into and out of friendships to war. It tore him apart and forged him into something monstrous.</p>
<p>The look Starscream fixes on Megatron now is so cold, so contemptuous, so full of unfettered disgust that Soundwave knows he’s only ever been haunted by a specter of loathing like this. Beyond any doubt, Soundwave knows Starscream could slit Megatron’s throat a thousand times, and all that energon still wouldn’t quench the hate burning in him. Just standing this close to him feels like standing in the path of an erupting volcano. He can’t imagine facing the brunt of that expression.</p>
<p>“Fine,” Starscream spits. Soundwave catches Megatron’s reaction, the genuine shock flitting across his face. The hand clutching Laserbeak drops to his side like she’s nothing more than a datapad.</p>
<p>“I turned Soundwave against you,” Starscream says with a smile cold as the black of space, “and it was <em> easy </em>. Hold his precious symbionts in front of him and stick a spike in him, and he didn’t give you a second thought.”</p>
<p>Soundwave reels. <em> ::Starscream, what-:: </em></p>
<p>
  <em> ::Trust me, and do not intervene. Whatever happens. That’s an order.:: </em>
</p>
<p>“You’re the one who’s getting sloppy,” Starscream says. He takes another step forward, wings held high in <em> taunt threat invitation</em>. “Neglecting something sweet as him.”</p>
<p>Megatron lashes out at Starscream, dropping Laserbeak as he does. Soundwave’s warning cry lodges in his throat. He doesn’t wait to see if Megatron’s blow lands.</p>
<p>He darts around the pair of them and drops to his knees, gathering Laserbeak in his arms. A feedback loop of relief and continued fear swamps their bond, threatening to overwhelm Soundwave. Clenching his jaw, he forces himself to focus and take deep vents, tuning out the fear and sounds of fighting. Solvable problems first.</p>
<p>Soundwave runs his fingers over the joints where Laserbeak’s wings meet her body. Her plating trembles under his touch from the shock, but aside from a few small dents, she seems unharmed. Just badly rattled.</p>
<p>A crash, and the processor splitting sound of the work table getting scrapped several feet across the floor. Soundwave curls himself over Laserbeak. Hand tools and bits of broken machinery scatter across the floor and bounce of his armor.</p>
<p><em> ::Starscream!:: </em> Only at the last moment does Soundwave remember to keep the cry to their comms.</p>
<p>From his vantage point on the ground, Soundwave can only see Megatron’s shoulders and snarling face, and the flurry of Starscream’s kicking and scratching limbs. Giant drills loom behind them like teeth.</p>
<p><em> ::Don’t intervene!:: </em> Starscream’s voice sounds strained even over comms. <em>::I can take it.::</em></p>
<p>Soundwave stands up jerkily, and Laserbeak docks in his chest. Megatron has Starscream pinned with one massive hand on his chest, crushing him into the work table. Energon oozes sluggishly from weak spots in his armor where Starscream’s talons hit their mark. Both their faces are twisted into masks of rage.</p>
<p>Soundwave takes a step towards them.</p>
<p><em>::Don’t!::</em> Starscream comms without looking at him. <em>::I can take it.::</em></p>
<p>Even with optics fixed on Megatron, sending the comms makes Starscream’s concentration falter for a fraction of a second. Soundwave sees it, and so does Megatron.</p>
<p>Starscream’s vicious scratch goes wide. Megatron’s free hand comes down in a fist and crushes Starscream’s shoulder. A choked noise escapes Starscream’s clenched teeth, and his arm falls to the table, hydraulics and delicate systems crushed. Energon starts to bead out of hairline cracks in his armor.</p>
<p>
  <em>::I can take it. I can take it.::</em>
</p>
<p>Soundwave’s processor screams at him to move, but he feels rooted to the spot.</p>
<p>
  <em>::I can take it.::</em>
</p>
<p>Megatron lifts Starscream up by the chest plate, squeezing so hard the armor starts to crumple. Starscream kicks out, aiming for Megatron’s face and shoulder, and scratches at his arm. He’s panicked now though, Soundwave can see it. All his blows glance harmlessly off Megatron’s armor with barely a spark.</p>
<p>
  <em>::I can take it. I can-::</em>
</p>
<p>Megatron throws Starscream hard into a shelf wings first. The whole structure sways, and Starscream’s and the shelf’s contents crash to the ground. Long, rod-like drill bits lie over and around Starscream’s dazed form. In the sudden quiet, Starscream touches his cockpit.</p>
<p>No, Soundwave realizes. Not his cockpit.</p>
<p>A thin whine ekes out of Starscream as his talon tips brush over the jagged edge of the drill bit running through his skinny waist. Glass and metal plating curl like a strange flower around the edges of the wound.</p>
<p>“Starscream,” Soundwave whispers. He’s not sure if he’s going to be sick, or scream, or simply collapse to the ground and never move again. Possibly all three.</p>
<p>There’s no way Starscream could’ve heard him, but his optics snap to Soundwave’s anyway. Pain and determination burn bright in their depths. His lips twist in a facsimile of a smile. Energon stains his denta.</p>
<p>“I can take it.” Starscream pushes himself up onto his elbow, as if he could possibly keep fighting. “I can take it.”</p>
<p>“You can take it?” Megatron growls. He grabs Starscream by the throat and hauls him up so his pedes dangle off the floor. Starscream makes a small, agonized noise as the drill bit shifts and drags. Flecks of energon spit out of his mouth and drip down his chin as he struggles weakly. Megatron gives him a small shake. “You can <em> take it</em>?”</p>
<p>Megatron rips the drill out of Starscream, drawing it from his body like a sword. Starscream’s shriek breaks off in a horrible gurgle. Energon blooms out of the small, ragged hole in his abdomen and runs in rivulets down his thighs and legs to puddle on the floor.</p>
<p>Soundwave <em> moves. </em></p>
<p>His cables snap out like lightning and wrap around Megatron’s wrist. He crushes down with all his strength and feels the machinery there grind and buckle. Starscream drops to the floor, unmoving. Megatron stares at him.</p>
<p>“Don’t touch him.” All of Soundwave’s anger and fear has collapsed down into something small and hard and bitterly cold. He wants to rip and tear and destroy like he hasn’t in so long, he wants to feel energon running over his hands and see fear in optics and know that he’s responsible for putting it there.</p>
<p>Megatron gapes at him like a grotesque theater mask, and Soundwave <em> hates </em> him, hates him so much it burns from the inside out, it’s spilling out of his frame like energon from a wound.</p>
<p>Soundwave throws himself at Megatron. They collide hard, and Megatron staggers back. Soundwave presses his advantage, cracking him hard across the side of the head with a cable, but Megatron’s shock is already giving way to rage. A blow to his side forces Soundwave to take a step back.</p>
<p>They could almost be sparring, or dancing. Neither of them can hold an advantage for more than a couple of seconds, and they move in a graceful back and forth. For every aggressive attack of Megatron’s, Soundwave deflects the momentum and throws himself into the forced openings. He aims for places already bleeding and darts back out of range before those deadly claws can touch him.</p>
<p>But Soundwave is small, and he hasn’t been active combat for a long, long time. He starts losing ground. </p>
<p>Megatron’s fist passes so close to his head that he can hear the air rushing past. Soundwave’s pede slips on some anonymous piece of debris, and he nearly falls. He sees Megatron’s fist coming and throws his arm up.</p>
<p>The blow glances off Soundwave’s arm and hits his head with enough force to make his visual feed glitch. He reels back hard into a shelf, blinking hard to disperse the double vision and random swathes of color. Movement flickers in front of him, but Megatron doesn’t attack again. Soundwave shakes his head, ignoring the way it hurts, and forces his optics to focus. His energon turns cold.</p>
<p>Megatron stands over Starscream, one pede on his ruined torso, ready to drive a broken metal rod into him like a spear. Starscream shoves weakly at him, leaving bright blue smears of energon on his leg. Even now his optics glow with defiance.</p>
<p>“No!” </p>
<p>Soundwave doesn’t realize it’s a trap until it’s too late. The rod whistles over his head, and Megatron grabs his shoulder. Soundwave’s momentum carries him, stumbling, in a tight half circle. The backs of his knees collide with the workbench, and he sprawls. </p>
<p>With a curse, Soundwave rolls to the side and to his feet as the rod slams into the spot he just vacated. Soundwave lashes out with a cable, and Megatron snarls as his injured wrist drives into the table with enough force to crack it.</p>
<p>Soundwave’s still off balance though, and the next wild swing he dodges has him backpedaling so hard he nearly falls, catching himself on the treads of one of the giant drills. He hisses through his denta and lunges into the opening Megatron left.</p>
<p>Stupid.</p>
<p>Megatron grabs his shoulders with both hands, claws punching through chinks in his armor. He drives Soundwave back, and Soundwave could no more resist him than an avalanche. </p>
<p>Megatron lifts him. Soundwave throws his cables behind him, feels them skid and tear on the teeth of the giant drill. He catches himself.</p>
<p>Time stands still.</p>
<p>Soundwave strains, suspended scant feet off the ground, drill bit biting into the plating of his back. His thin fingers scrabble against Megatron’s arms. He dismisses a warning from his HUD, yellow and screaming about untenable pressure on his spinal column, as if Soundwave can’t feel it.</p>
<p>Megatron’s optics glow like windows to the Pit, like Soundwave’s a stranger to him. Despite it all, there’s still a small part of Soundwave, idealistic and young, that wants to weep. To take Megatron’s face in his and beg him to recognize his Soundwave.</p>
<p>Instead, he grits out, “I hate you.”</p>
<p>Time resumes.</p>
<p>Megatron shoves forward at the same time Soundwave tries to push off the drill. Razor edges of the drill cut deep into his cables, and a gasp tears out of him. He kicks out at Megatron’s arms and head, but it’s like fighting a statue. This final betrayal has turned Megatron into a beast hellbent on murder, and by degrees, Soundwave gets pressed harder against the drill.</p>
<p>“Laserbeak,” Soundwave gasps. A warning about crumpling armor blots his vision. “Go.”</p>
<p>Fear laces her refusal. She won’t leave him, not like this.</p>
<p>“Find Optimus.” Soundwave’s voice strains as his plating bends. Megatron’s eyes flash at Optimus’ name.</p>
<p>Laserbeak refuses again.</p>
<p>“Go!” Soundwave shouts, and feels his armor give, just barely, as his concentration wavers. Beads of energon ooze out of his back as Laserbeak takes off, hurtling into the maze of the cargo bay.</p>
<p>Hopefully Megatron won’t consider her worth pursuing. She has to make it to the Autobots, to Optimus. He’ll keep her safe, get her to a mech capable of taking care of her.</p>
<p>Soundwave braces his pedes on Megatron’s chest and tries to push him away that way, but it’s impossible to get any force without impaling himself further. The pain in his back brightens and burns impossibly hotter. More warnings paint his vision with yellow and orange. Energon trickles through seams on his back. His cables are long lines of pain, flayed nerves shaking with exertion. He keeps staring Megatron down.</p>
<p>If he’s going to die, then Megatron will look him in the optics as he does.</p>
<p>Because he <em> is </em> going to die. His joints cramp and shake and threaten to give out against his will. He’s going to die, and Laserbeak will be truly alone.</p>
<p>The pain in his back reaches new, unbearable heights.</p>
<p>Megatron will kill Starscream next, if he hasn’t bled out already.</p>
<p>Soundwave slips another half inch.</p>
<p>The war will drag on until their species is extinct.</p>
<p>“Megatron!” Starscream’s voice carries despite its low volume. Soundwave’s attention snaps over Megatron’s shoulder.</p>
<p> Starscream lays on the far side of the space, propped up on his injured arm. A trail of energon leads to the wound in his abdomen, and even from this distance, Soundwave can see the roiling mess of hastily twisted and tied off energon lines. They press against the edges of the wound like they want to escape and spill across the floor, but that isn’t what’s got Soundwave’s attention. Starscream’s whole frame shakes with the effort of aiming his missile at Megatron’s back.</p>
<p>Megatron stops pushing at Soundwave, and the grip on his shoulders loosens a fraction. Soundwave lets go of the drill bit with one cable and slams it into Megatron’s elbow. Struts and joints crunch as they’re bent the wrong way, and Megatron bellows in pain.</p>
<p>Agony rips through Soundwave as he lands hard on his back. His tanks threaten to purge, and his vision swims, but he’s already up and running. He vaults over the work table and skids in the debris and energon. </p>
<p>Soundwave dives for Starscream. Something hisses past his head. He lands on hard on Starscream, pressing them low to the ground.</p>
<p>Pressure.</p>
<p>Heat.</p>
<p>Noise.</p>
<p>Soundwave’s audials go offline with a sharp <em> pop</em>. Behind tightly closed optics, his visual feed reduces to a sea of neon patches. An awful taste fills his mouth. The air reeks of ash and burning metal.</p>
<p>Soundwave opens his optics. His HUD swims with red and orange warnings, but he dismisses them all. He has to make sure Starscream’s okay. Moving makes Soundwave’s body burn, but he forces himself to feel along the mass of pixels he assumes is Starscream’s face to his throat. He sags when he feels the fluttering of his pulse.</p>
<p>As the colors dull and coalesce into a sooty silver, Soundwave realizes Starscream’s mouth is moving. Soundwave reboots his audials. The ringing in his head ramps up to an intensity that nearly splits his helm before dying away and letting Starscream’s words come rushing in.</p>
<p>“-sorry, I’m so sorry, forgive me, I’m sorry.” He sounds hysterical.</p>
<p>“What?” Soundwave almost can’t understand himself with all the static. The awful taste in his mouth is energon, he realizes, half processed and bitter as poison.</p>
<p>“Promised,” Starscream says, and breaks off to gasp in pain. He clutches at Soundwave’s chest. “Promised not to hurt him, for you. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”</p>
<p>Soundwave shakes his head even though it makes him want to throw up. “Doesn’t matter. Need to get you help, Star-”</p>
<p>He breaks off with a sharp cough, spattering the inside of his mask with energon. Something deep inside him <em> hurts</em>, and a warning springs back up on his HUD. His fuel tank cracked in the explosion, and his vents and throat are slowly filling with energon. Starscream’s hands come up to cradle his face, fingers trembling minutely. Soundwave leans into the touch. </p>
<p>Primus, he’s so tired, and he hurts so much.</p>
<p>Soundwave shakes his head again, chasing away the fatigue with another rush of pain and nausea. “You need help,” he says, forcing a calm he doesn’t feel, hasn’t felt in weeks. “Can you move?”</p>
<p>Starscream looks at him with unbearable affection, thumb caressing the edge of Soundwave’s mask. “No,” he says. “No, sweetspark, I’m finished.”</p>
<p>“Don’t say that.” Soundwave’s voice shakes. “Don’t say that. I can carry you.”</p>
<p>He tries to get his legs under him, to lever himself into a kneeling position, but his legs only twitch. Another warning springs up. His hydraulics burst in the pressure wave. He dismisses the warning and tries again.</p>
<p>His legs twitch again, weaker than before. Something dangerously close to a sob chokes him. Energon bubbles over his lips. Starscream pets the back of his helm.</p>
<p>“I can do this,” Soundwave whispers. “It’s going to be okay.”</p>
<p>“Soundwave, please-”</p>
<p>“Shut up.” Soundwave can’t stand the defeat in his voice. “I said I wouldn’t let you go.”</p>
<p>He pushes up with his arms, supporting himself with his cables. If Starscream clings to him, if he can just get an arm under him for support, they can drag themselves-</p>
<p>A pained cry wrenches its way out of Soundwave as his cables give out. He catches himself hard on his elbows to stop from hurting Starscream, helm thunking down on Starscream’s chest. The sob choking him tears itself free.</p>
<p>“No,” he whimpers. “No no no no no.”</p>
<p>Starscream pets the back of his helm. “My love,” he whispers, soft and soothing. “So stubborn.”</p>
<p>Soundwave turns himself away from the awful softness. He can’t move. There’s no strength left in him. His full weight sags against Starscream, and Starscream keeps right on petting. He can hear the frantic pulse of his spark here.</p>
<p>“It’s going to be okay,” Soundwave says. “I won’t let you go.”</p>
<p>Starscream hums and keeps petting. Soundwave presses his mask to his chest in a pale imitation of a kiss. More energon trickles from his mouth.</p>
<p>Somewhere, metal scrapes over metal. Soundwave’s spark drops. Could Megatron be alive, somehow? He squeezes Starscream close.</p>
<p>“Won’t let you go.”</p>
<p>He hears footsteps, raised voices. That can’t be Megatron, surely. Too many voices too far off. A chirping and thrum of tiny engines.</p>
<p>“Won’t let go.”</p>
<p>Starscream says something in response, he thinks, but Soundwave is already drifting away.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I've never written a fight scene before, please be gentle ;-;</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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